Just To Breathe
by Shino Kouen
Summary: Fujin... we know her as the eyepatchwearing, onewordshouting albino girl that pals around with Seifer and Raijin...But is she more than meets the eye? This is the story of her life. Picked up after three years of waiting.
1. The Colors of My Life

**Just to Breathe**  
~Fujin's Story~  
  
Chapter One  
**The Colors of My Life**

_"All the colors mix together to grey, and it breaks her heart."  --"Grey Street" by DMB_

When I was three years old I lived with Mommy and Daddy. During that period of my life, I can remember a lot of color. The warm lemony glow of the sun hitting the rosy tiled floor; the blues and greens of tall glasses Mommy and Daddy cluttered the chocolate-brown table after a tasteful dinner; the deep reds of the liquid they poured into them... The cheery pinks of their laughter as they spun around in dances of their merriment, clutched in one another's arms, the whole world a haze.   
  
I stayed upstairs after six, as a little girl's rule. Little girls were to go to bed and sleep to dream, and were not to listen smilingly in the night to their parent's laughter ... but I stayed up anyway. I loved to hear their voices.  
  
Never did I guess that in the next two years all of the bright colors I'd grown to love would fade into blackness. It would be during this time that I would be stripped of my identity ... and it would be during this time that Mommy and Daddy would become Mother and Father.  
  
I loved my Mommy ... but I hated my Mother.

  
~*~

_ The sun beats down on the black pavement, scorching hot. Now six years old, I watch the neighborhood kids engaging in a water battle on the front lawn across the street through the kitchen window above the sink. It's been almost two years since I'd been forbidden to ever leave the house. At first I'd cried when I watched the other kids, my old friends, playing without me...but I soon learned that crying was a sin.  
  
"You're a baby!" Mother had bellowed. "When are you going to grow up like everyone else!  I can't believe you! You're such a bad_ _girl! Do you hear me? Are you listening?"  
  
I'm always listening, but I don't say so.  She hates smart comments.  Instead I hang my head and try to hold the tears. I've learned to keep my cheeks dry around Mother ... or else. I continue with my chores. Wash the dishes until they gleam whiter than white. If they aren't perfect, Mother will be mad, and then Mother will beat me...again. As she stands behind me, I can feel her brandy-saturated breath swimming over my neck like a thick mist of chemicals. I shiver before I can catch myself. _Please don't let her have noticed! _I tell myself, _Please don't let her have seen! _But my hopes are in vain. She seizes my wrist, pulling me away from the sink. The dish I'd been scrubbing clatters to the bottom beneath the suds.   
  
"The water's too cold, baby?" she snaps in fury. I can smell the cheap whiskey tainting her breath as it curls under my nostrils. "Let me heat it up for you!" She doesn't let go of my wrist, but with her free hand reaches to the sink and turns on the heated water as high as it will go. I cringe back against her chest, trying to stay as far away from the sink as possible. She is stronger. With simplicity she thrusts my hands under the scalding stream coming from the faucet. I close my eyes tightly as she holds them there, biting my tongue so I won't cry out. Crying out would mean more criticism, and most definitely more punishment.  
  
An hour later, with stinging fingers and painfully tender skin around my wrist, my chore is done. I turn away from the sink to see my cowardly Father sitting at the gray kitchen table, his eyes skimming the evening newspaper. Mother has left the room. He chances me a glance over the top of the colorless paper, and smiles weakly. "Go to bed now, honey."  
  
Mother had left the room, but had left her sound radar on. "Yes, go down to the basement_, girl_! Go down in the darkness where you belong!" She screeches from the living room. All ready I can hear the clinking of the glasses her and father drink from after six in the evening. Mother often drinks with her meals and throughout the day. I can't hear them so much downstairs as I used to when I was in my bedroom upstairs, but I can still hear them. Their laughter no longer pleases me as it had back so far I can hardly remember.  Now the sound is scratchy and drunken.  I hate the noise; I hate their voices!  
  
Mother doesn't like for me to be in the light. Once, when I was four years old, only a few days after I'd been deemed ineligible to go outside for the rest of my life, I'd questioned why she'd taken away such a privilege.   
  
"Do you want to get cancer, _girl_? That's what being out in the sun does to weak little girls like you! You'll get cancer and it will eat away at you and you will die! _DIE!_ Do you hear me? Are you listening?!" But by then I'd broken down in tears, which only made her angrier. I soon learned what mistakes not to make.  
  
In the depths of our dark basement, I await further orders from Mother. I am allowed to sit on the stairs. Once I made the mistake of jumping on the couch that serves as my bed. By the next morning I had a broken arm, though not from the couch. I never jumped on the couch again. On occasion I work on the books I was given at kindergarten. If I did badly in school, I'd be a disgrace to the family. Mother would not like that at all, and I knew all to well what that meant. I did enjoy school. School was my haven. There were no Mothers or Fathers in school.  
  
Hours pass, but I get no more orders. If I fall asleep to early, I will be punished. My eyelids are growing heavy. I can no longer hear Mother or Father laughing upstairs. I chance tiptoeing up to the basement door to peek out. The hallways are dark. Country music and laughter drifts down from upstairs. I sigh in relief, but not until I've quietly closed the door behind me.   
  
As I creep over to my couch I notice how the blackness of night closes in around me like a cloak. It used to frighten me, but now it's the only place I feel safe. I love the blackness. I close my eyes and let myself drift ever so slowly into an unconscious void. Here is where my imagination often fills my heart with color and happy memories.  
  
Not tonight.  
  
Tonight my dreams are endless chases. Mother is angry. I'm not sure why. She is waving a picture I drew for her earlier in the day. It is a picture of a little girl playing in the sun. Her skin is cherry red, but the sun has a big, happy face printed on it. Tears are streaming down Mother's face, but I know that she is more angry than sad. She crumbles up the picture and throws it at my feet.   
  
"You are not my daughter! You're nothing more to me than a girl! A useless, ugly girl! I hate you! I never loved you, and I never will! You're a bastard child! You're not special! You're nothing but a girl!"  
  
Blue tears are on the pink carpet._


	2. A Prisoner of Hate

  


**Just To Breathe****  
**By Kouen  
  
Chapter Two  
**A Prisoner Of Hate**

_"Sister chained and bound…beaten and bleeding.  The TV's on, to me this explains it," –DMB; "Minarets"_

After my banishment from the outdoors, Mother notified the school to let them know that I would be home-schooled; explaining to them with much exaggeration that it was because of some exotic condition that prohibited me from exposure to the sun. I never understood her reasons.  Her home schooling, if you could even call it that, was less than satisfactory. Fortunately, with the help of the books and supplies provided by the school, I was able to teach myself the majority of what was going on. Had I been in school, I might have even been intelligent, but then again, I couldn't even remember my own name...

~*~*~

Father died when I was nine years old. For the first time in years, I was able to leave the house. His funeral was brief, but the few breaths of fresh air were heavenly. In a way, I saw this as Father's parting gift to me. Of course, the only reason I'd been permitted to go was as a sign of respect. Had I not gone, Mother believed that I'd be getting away with my hatred towards them. I must never be allowed to show my feelings of either of them. Mother had loved Father with all of her heart, which left no room for me. Still a dreamer, I thought his departure might reunite me with Mommy.  
  
Nonetheless, while it was Father's body that left the house, it was Daddy's face I saw in the casket.

~*~*~

_By the time my thirteenth birthday was approaching, I'd completely given up on the hope of Mother ever loving me again. Father's death, in fact, seemed to make her hate me even more. The chores increased, the expectations grew higher, and the beatings got worse.  
  
I counted down the days until the time I'd become a teenager. Mother never acknowledged any of my birthdays. To her, they were just another day. On any day, she might sleep until noon, waking up only to get a drink and to see that I've completed my chores to perfection. If I haven't, she takes great joy in thinking up punishments to soothe her sick-minded hatred. Her favorite punishments include locking me in the closet, which is damp and only one square foot in measurement; forcing me into the shower and downing me mercilessly with burning water, scalding my skin until it was raw with pain; and whipping me with the dog's chain or a leather belt until I bled. By now, my skin has become toughened to the beatings, and my brain has become numbed to the physical pain, but she never fails to hurt me one way or another. Sometimes she even starves me for days at a time. The longest she ever had me go was a week and a half. By the last day, I was so exhausted that when I'd attempted to climb the steps, I fell right back down before I even made it up the face boards. Finally, Mother brought me down a single piece of cold pizza. I savored every morsel of it_.  
_  
"Well, aren't you a special little shit?" She snapped when I mentioned my thirteenth birthday. "What do you want me to do about it? Make the heavens rain down with gold?"  
  
I didn't pester the subject. Secretly, I hoped she might let me have a real meal, and maybe, just maybe give me leeway on my horde of chores. I couldn't have been more wrong.  
  
I woke up early, that day. I knew I had to get the morning chores done, or there would be no breakfast at all. I scrubbed the kitchen counters until they gleamed, I mopped the floor twice and then waxed it, and I made sure there wasn't a speck of dust in site. I would have made Mother breakfast, but I'd knew nothing about cooking. As Mother figured, the less I knew about food, the less likely I'd be able to feed myself to my satisfaction. If she ever suspected I took food without her permission, she'd force me to throw it up into a bucket anyway. I never got very good at lying, mostly because of my fear of her.   
  
Noon comes and goes. I've done all of my chores, but now I'm getting nervous. I continue cleaning only to keep myself busy. I don't stop until my third round of scrubbing the bathroom floor. I stand and glance at myself in the round portrait mirror. I haven't indulged in images for at least a year. My hair is a long, tangled, silver mess. My eyes have are crimson orbs with dark circles underneath them. I'm beginning to realize why Mother tells me I'm so ugly.  
  
I slowly climb the stairs and peek into Mother's room. It's empty. I shiver in new fear. She never leaves me alone, she doesn't trust me.   
  
I hurry back downstairs, afraid that at any given time Mother might return and catch me in her room. I sigh and take my place at the bottom of the basement steps. I hate myself for how well she has me trained.   
  
There was a loud slam upstairs, and I realize that she's returned. I creep up the stairs and peek out the door. Mother is leaning on the wall breathing heavily. She is more drunk than I have ever seen her before. Her eyes are red and glazed over, which I can see even through the cracked open door.   
  
"Get up here, girl!" She demanded. "_NOW!"_   
  
I crept through the door and trotted over to her. I know punishment is coming. She has me trained like the military to speak one-word only sentences. "Yes?"  
  
She points to the most minuscule of smudges on her mahogany table. I hurriedly wipe at it with my sleeve. "WHAT are you doing?! Use a damned rag, girl!" She yanks me up by the back of my shirt and throws me towards the kitchen. I hurry to please her. It doesn't work.  
  
By evening, my back is covered with deep gashes, curtained by crusted blood. I lay on my couch in tears. Somehow I strain my voice to whisper shakily to myself.  
  
"Happy birthday to...me... Happy birthday to ... me... Happy birthday, dear ... dear..."  
  
I don't finish the song, because I don't know what I should fill in the blank with. In an hours time I fall asleep, but tonight I don't sleep to dream. Tonight I will sleep to escape._


	3. Mother Called Me Girl

**Just To Breathe**  
By Kouen

Chapter Three:  
**My Mother Called Me 'Girl'**

_"When I was young I didn't think about it, but now I can't get it out of my mind," –DMB; "Bartender"_

  
I think it was my thirteenth birthday that I finally snapped. Just the idea of not being able to finish the birthday song filled all of my attempts to dream with nightmares. The next day I finally took things into my own hands.   
  
I had hoped that mother would leave me again in the morning, but of course, I did not have that luck. Still, I'd pre-thought my actions, and timed just perfectly when I might make my move.  
  
A trash bag in each hand, I made my way out to the edge of the driveway. It was Mother's habit to watch me from the doorway, but I didn't care. At the corner of the lot, I dropped the bags. For a second I imagined Mother's face twisted with anger, her eyes glinting with hate. I looked longingly up the street. Time was slipping through my fingers with every passing second. She'd be suspicious soon.   
  
With a single deep breath, my muscles tensed as I pushed away from the ground in a forward motion.  During a suspended second, I feel like I'm breaking free from millions of chains that have had me trapped against a wall of thorns. I feel like I've grown wings! I run into the wind, for a moment completely carefree.  
  
Then something in my brain clicks. I sense my mother's anger, even halfway up the street. She'll come after me!  I just know it! I'm too terrified to stop running. There's a pang in my side, but I can't stop! I must not let Mother catch me! I realize for the first time that I have no idea where I'm going; I've never been down the street as long as I can remember.  
  
_Cancer_!   
  
All of Mother's threats are echoing in my mind. I'm exposed to the sun. _Shelter_! I must find shelter! There's a kind of forest ahead and to the right. I make a turn onto the next road. As I do, I see Mother drunkenly veering up the road in her old Chevy. I pause, frozen in terror, my mouth hanging open. _Run_, My mind demands of me. Mother is getting closer. It takes me a minute before I can move, but then I'm flying again...right into the trees. Mother cannot drive through trees. Even still, I keep going, because I know she'll get out and follow me. Tree branches and shrubs grab at my face and arms. I dive behind a bush for a moment so that I can breathe.   
  
I can hear her screaming out to me from not too far away. "You won't survive out there, girl! You'll starve, or die of cancer! You'll be eaten by monsters!"  
  
I press my hands tightly over my ears and repeat over and over in my mind, _I will not go back, I will NOT go back!_ I close my eyes tightly and hold my breath.   
  
After what seems like forever, I crack my eyelids open and peek out. Sunlight filters through the canopy of leaves, making a pattern on the floor. The only noises I can hear are the chirping of birds and other creatures. Mother is nowhere to be found. I've won.  
  
_I've won!_

~*~*~*~

  
I've exhausted myself mentally and physically. I've been lying on the grass for what seems like hours. I'm starving. The moon has graced the sky with its appearance, and is retreating to the clouds. The first rays of sunlight are peaking over the clouds. Soon my skin will be saturated with its harmfulness, and I'm going to die. Funny, I used to think that anything, even death, would be better than living with Mother. Now I'm not so sure...  
  
I lay on my back looking up at the clouds. One of the things I remember from Father's funeral is the priest mentioning a paradise in the sky called Heaven.  I wonder if there is a Heaven for girls like me.  
  
I hear someone humming a merry tune. Instinctively I curl up into the most protective position I can think of... a ball. The song is getting closer. I chance a peek between my fingers. A tall, dark-skinned man is making his way towards the edge of the forest, where I'd collapsed in exhaustion the night before. If I move now, he will see me for sure. I don't like the looks of the wooden staff he is carrying. It looks like it could do more damage than Mother's fist, especially since he looks so strong!  
  
A butterfly that has been hovering above me decides that now is the time to land on my nose. Unexpectedly, I sneeze. Mistake! The tall man has spotted me.  
  
At first he just stares, unsure of what to think of the pale, silver-haired thing dwelling on the forest floor in torn, dirty rags of clothes. I freeze up completely, terrified that he might hurt me. But he smiles warmly, slowly making his way over.   
  
"What're you doing out here? It's early, ya know? I didn't think too many people came out so early to train, ya know? Wait a second, you're not from the Garden are you?"  
  
I stare up at him, bewildered. What's a Garden, I want to ask, but my throat is dry of words. He grins wider.   
  
"You're quiet, ya know? You get in a scrape with something in there? You look a little beat up, ya know?"  
  
"No," I sate flatly, finding my little voice. My throat burns to tell him that I had been scraped only by the trees and jagger bushes as I ran by.  
  
""Whatcha doing here? You from Balamb? It's not safe to walk in the forest alone, ya know? Lots of creatures; especially if you aren't a fighter. So where you from?"  
  
I think hard for a second, but nothing comes to mind. This bothers me. "Nowhere," I shrug, a bit hurt.  
  
"You an orphan too? Most of us in Garden are, ya know? I've only been here a year and a half. Got special permission to come out to the forest along on a daily basis to train." He held his head regally, proudly. "My name's Raijin, ya know? What's yours?"  
  
I chew my lip, again hurt that I cannot answer the question. I turn away from him, in sorrow, though that's not how he sees it.   
  
"I won't turn you in, ya know? You can trust me..."  
  
"No name," I spit harshly in the short sentences Mother drilled me to use.  
  
"No name?!" He exclaims, "Can't be! What did your parents call you?"  
  
"My Mother..." I gulp uncomfortably. "My Mother called me 'girl',"   
  
"Girl? You didn't have a name?"   
  
I shook my head slowly. "She..." I want to tell him everything, for some reason, I feel I can trust him. I focus on speaking in full sentences. "She beat me all of… time. She told me…I'm not worthy…of a name.  I'm a worthless girl.   I ran away from her."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry... That's sad. You'd fit right in at Garden, though, ya know? Wanna come back with me?"  
  
I do, but I won't. The authorities would ship me right back to Mother's waiting clutches for sure! "No!  Can't! They'll send me back!" I was frantic, and beginning to hyperventilate. He reached out and grabbed my shoulders, and I nearly screamed.  
  
"Calm down, ya know? It's okay, it's okay!" He repeated it until my breathing slowed and evened. My stomach was still a flight with fear. I attempted to squirm away, but I couldn't budge. His strength was amazing!   
  
"It's okay, it's okay," he is still murmuring in a soothing voice. I stare up at him in wonder. He smiles gently at me. "I'll tell ya what, ya know? You stay here, I won't tell. I'll teach you to fight a little, so you won't get killed, ya know?"  
  
I nodded, blinking back tears that had swollen under my eyelids, but hadn't fallen. My stomach chose that moment to grumble loudly, and I realize that I haven't eaten for three days. Raijin laughs heartily with a grin.  
  
"Hungry, huh? You're so thin...! Tell ya what! I'll get ya a hot dog and bring it to you, ya know?"  
  
I nod, quietly watching his broad shoulders as he turns away. I follow him to the edge of the forest, where he makes his way to a huge structure of bright colors, which I assumed was the Garden he spoke so proudly of.  
  
After about half an hour, I gave up waiting on him and drifted to sleep, curled on the floor of the wooded land.  
  
Some time later I found myself being shaken awake. I jumped to my feet only to be greeted by huge grin of Raijin. His smile widened as he handed me two still-warm hot dogs. I devoured them in seconds, while he laughed.   
  
"Did you remember your name yet?" He asked curiously. I frowned and shook my head. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll remember in time." Comfortingly, he patted me on the shoulder. Out of habit I winced. Seeming out of nowhere he pulled out a large quilt wrapped around a pillow. "Got these for you too, ya know? So you'll have something to sleep on, ya know?"  
  
"Thanks," I nod in approval. He laughs again.  
  
"You're not much of a conversationalist, ya know?" I stare, unable to come up with any words. This amuses him even more. "I have to get back now, before Seifer gets mad, ya know?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Seifer Almasy. My best and only friend at Garden." He grinned proudly. "Me and him are the strongest our age!" I could see most of his teeth and how white they are. He is so proud of his Garden. I found the courage to smile weakly at him for the first time. This pleases him very much. "See? You're lightening up, ya know! Tomorrow," he crosses his well-muscled arms over his large chest. "I am taking you to Balamb. Not to turn you in!" He quickly adds, seeing me start to panic again, and raises his hands to reassure me. "You need a weapon," he explains, "to fight off the creatures. Don't worry, I've got plenty of gil."  
  
My eyes widen in surprise, and a startled noise escapes my throat.  
  
"Don't argue! I'll see you tomorrow, ya know? Sleep well."  
  
Again I watch him retreat to his home. Now, with my blanket, I take shelter from the sun for the remainder of the day. When the moon was high, I fell into a deep sleep where I am greeted by Raijin... my new...friend?


	4. What's In A Name?

**  
**

**Just to Breathe  
**~Fujin's Story~  
  
**Chapter Four**  
**What's In A Name?**

_"Now I can't believe it took so long to leave.  Perhaps one day I'll breathe… or I never will." –Barenaked Ladies; "Told You So"_

Raijin came for me early, but I was all ready awake. Years and years of Her had taught me not to dare to sleep past the crack of dawn. I sat on my pillow, hooded by the blanket so that hardly an inch of my body was directly exposed. Raijin chuckled when he saw this.   
  
"Nice outfit, ya know?"  
  
I gritted my teeth, offended. "No. Worried."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Cancer."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Sun," I nodded upwards. Raijin was confused.  
  
"Why the sun? You can't get cancer from just being in the sun, ya know?"  
  
"Mother said."  
  
"You're mother's nuts. I think she was trying to scare you or something, ya know? Come on," he motioned for me to drop the blanket, and I did, however reluctantly. "I want to teach you something first. Creatures tend to prey on dawdling beings, ya know? So I wanna teach you to use magic even before we get your weapon."   
  
I listen with fascination as Raijin tells me how to junction a GF to your mind.  "GFs have awesome powers," he tells me.  "I have three of 'em.  Quetzecotl, my favorite, specializes in thunder magic.  Pandemona is a wind magician, and Kaiyama is a sprite that mostly does fire damage.  I got her for fighting in the Fire Cavern."  I listened with unending interest.  "Which one do you want?"

        At first I was taken aback that he was asking me to pick one, but he assured me that it was okay with him.  I thought hard a moment, and remembering the flying feeling I felt when I ran from Mother, and decided on Pandemona.  Next, I listened to Raijin explain how to draw and use magical attacks. He lets me draw a few from him to start with. I draw aero, cure, and fira. There are a lot of things to remember, but it's so amazing that I don't think I'll ever forget.   
  
"Oh yeah," Raijin mutters as we start out. "I forgot to tell you, ya know? I hafta meet Seifer for lunch. I tried to get out of it, ya know? But he just wouldn't listen, ya know?" I nod, unsure what I'm supposed to do while he eats.  
  
We begin our journey to Balamb, avoiding the roads so that we can encounter one of the creatures Raijin told me of.  Our first encounter with a creature is with a Bite Bug, which looks like an over sized mosquito. Raijin allows me to make the first attack. I summon up the energy required to cast aero, but it isn't working. The Bug chooses to attack with fire. Magical flames spread over my body. I thought I was screaming out, but I didn't hear anything. The intense pain only lasted a few seconds, but it forced me to stumble back and land on my butt. I felt considerably weaker, and incredibly embarrassed.   
  
I scrambled to my feet, but no longer had the energy to fight. I half-hoped that Raijin would kill the bug, but instead he cast cure on me. It felt like I was flying for just a second.  
  
"Try again, ya know?" He shouted to me.  
  
This time I concentrated even harder, and my aero worked! A windy ring formed around the bug and zapped its energy. The bug wavered a second in the air, then dropped to the ground where it was immediately absorbed. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins. Raijin beamed proudly.  
  
"You did it! In one blow, too, ya know?! That was amazing, Fujin!"   
  
I almost didn't catch the words he said, but it hit me at the last second. "Fujin?"  
  
"That's what I'm gonna call you, ya know? It's perfect for you."  
  
"Fujin," I repeated, pleased and honored. Fujin: Wind Goddess.  I never smiled as much to this very day.

~*~*~*~*~

When Raijin and I entered the weapons shop in Balamb, I was astounded. I never imagined so many horrible looking objects! I tensed up immediately, expecting Mother to jump out with something in her hands. Raijin didn't seem to notice, though, as he pranced happily around the shop like a little boy in a toy store. "What would be perfect for Fujin?" he asked himself. "Here's a whip...no...too wimpy. Nunchaku? Nah... What do you think, Fuu?"  
  
"Uh..." I shrugged, "Don't... know... what... they are..."  
  
He nodded, in response. "Okay, I'll show you. This is a staff," he said, motioning to the line of huge oar-looking things he'd been practically drooling over a moment ago. "Large blunt poles used for hitting and beating on people repeatedly."  
  
I pictured Mother with one of these large poles and winced visibly. Raijin continued, "A staff would be too big for you, though, you aren't tall enough. These," he moved his hand to present a showcase of elaborate looking sword-like things, "are gunblades. This is what Seifer uses. Causes the most damage of all weapons, but incredibly expensive and difficult to use. Hmm... Your fists are too small to use weighted or spiked gloves, and a gun just wouldn't do enough... a-HA!" He cried out in triumph, picking up a blue pinwheel-type thing with blades around it. "This is perfect! A shuriken! Can throw from a distance, and slash right up front, and still cause plenty of damage! Specially made so you can even junction wind to it!" He grinned from ear to ear as he presented me with his prize. "Perfect for you, don't you think?" I turn it over in my hands to admire it from all angles. It's light weight and elegant, but has a look that says 'destroy!' I'd love to use it against Mother more than anyone. I flick my eyes down to the price. 2500 gil. My eyes grow huge and I gently, but quickly, put it back down.  
  
"What's wrong? Don't like it?" Raijin almost sounds hurt.  
  
I shake my head. "Expensive."  
  
He smiles warmly, placing a large hand on my shoulder. "Not a problem." Again, he picks it up, and this time marches right over to the cashier to purchase it. I thank him graciously for almost fifteen minutes.

~*~*~*~*~

While Raijin eats lunch with Seifer, I sit on the docks of Balamb looking out towards to what was explained to me was the city of Dollet. I think about Mother as my feet dangle above the water. Does she think of me? Is she angry? Sad? What would she do if I went back? Would she kill me?   
  
The thoughts were less than comforting, and I found myself with my knees drawn up to my chest sobbing. People passing by stared or laughed coldly. A few children made fun of my torn, dirty clothes. I realized, then, how alone I really was.  
  
Nearly an hour later, Raijin came for me. He presented me with a cone filled with a soft white substance I recognized as something Mother had eaten on occasion. He smiled as I accepted one just like his.   
  
"Have some ice cream, ya know?"   
  
I mimicked him as I licked it, and decided I never had something so wonderful tasting. Raijin chatted endlessly about my new weapon, and how he was going to borrow some books from the library about it so he could teach me. I just smiled as I walked beside him back to the forest. Again, he asked me to join him at the Garden, and I refused. He smiled a sad smile as he whispered. "You're a brave woman, Fujin. I hope I see you tomorrow."  
  
  


* * *


	5. First Flight

**Just to Breathe  
**by Kouen  
  
**Chapter Five**  
**First Flight**

_"Crazy as I may make my way through this world, It's for no one but me to say which direction I shall turn; I am the captain of this ship."   --DMB; "Captain"_

I played with my shuriken most of the night, too excited to sleep.  I wanted to get a feel of it, to know it inside and out, as soon as I possibly could.  For an hour I simply turned it over and over in my hands, admiring its bold colors and sharp, yet graceful, curves.  I stood and held it in my right hand, raising my left arm to a defensive position and bouncing loosely on the balls of my feet.  I giggled at the idea of how silly I must have looked and settled on a protective half-crouch, hoping desperately that I appeared intimidating.  Experimentally I swished my weapon through the air in front of me.  I liked the feel of it.  I laughed aloud, an almost foreign sound to me, and smiled with triumphant glee.  I had escaped Mother's wrath and was surviving… I was learning to _fight_ rather than run!  To face the bad!  And I had Raijin to thank for all of it.

Raijin.  I pictured his cheery face in my mind.  He had a charismatic voice and an easy-going tone that endeared me to him.  He was so open, so caring, everything I'd always wanted from Mother, but never got.  Knowing this tugged at my heart with joy.  Someone finally gave a damn about me!  I recalled the one time he had touched me, when he'd grabbed my shoulders to calm me down.  His hands had been warm.  It was a brief moment, but I remembered it well.  He had kept a safe distance ever since.  My mind wandered.  I wondered what it would be like to have Raijin make some kind of physical contact with me again.  What was it called?  A hug.  I wanted to give him a hug.  

_"You're no one!"_  Mother's voice screamed inside my mind.  _"No body will ever love you!  You're nothing but a filthy, ugly girl!"_

Anger swelled inside me.  I won't run anymore!  I want to scream, to tell Mother that I AM somebody.  My grip tightens on my shuriken.  I picture her face in my mind, with her drunken eyes and angry expression.  "My name," I hiss, "is Fujin!"

Shuriken is released from me with an angry throw.  It goes whipping through the black of the night and pins itself tightly into the rough bark of a nearby tree.  My eyes widen slightly with shock.  My ears suddenly pick up every night noise around me, and I realize I'm not really alone in the dark.  A low growl purrs to my left.

I rush forward to the tree and grab my weapon, pulling with all my strength, but I am too weak and it's lodged in good.  Another unhappy growl behind me and I realize that I'm going to have to fight whatever it is waiting impatiently for me.  I tug franticly on the shuriken.  My back is to the creature, and it hits me with its tail, knocking me to the ground.  Straining my eyes, I get my first good look at it: an over-sized caterpillar.  My lips part slightly in awe at the sight of it, and, after a second, I come to my senses and scramble to my feet.  For a moment everything is a jumble in my head.  It looks as it its ready to attack again, and I am panicking.  I try to think but I'm not fast enough.  It knocks me down again, as if it's the easiest thing in the world.  I can feel the energy draining out of me.  If only Raijin were here!  He could just…

I struggle to my feet and weakly summon what's left of my energy to cast cure on myself, and that wonderful feeling spreads over me.  With a new hope, I grab Shuriken and pull…it comes free!  I fling it as hard as I can at the bug, and it winces, but does not go down.  Shuriken lands at my feet and I snatch is up.  The bug lashes at me again, but I dodge out of the way, just barely missing it's tail.  I cast aero, but it still won't fall!  Suddenly an idea flashes over my eyes.  What did Raijin say those things were called?  GF?  I attempt to summon it in my mind.

_'Pandemona?  If you're listening…help?'_

I feel foolish asking, but am rewarded when an uncontrollable ecstasy of strength  overcomes me.  Then, without warning, everything goes black.  For a second I'm terrified, I don't know what's happening.  A horrible thought strikes me.  Am I dead?

Suddenly I'm right back where I was before I tried to summon the GF.  I no longer feel full of power, but rather triumphant as I notice the corpse being absorbed into the soil.  With relief, I sigh deeply and collapse not far from it, half wondering if my sleeping body could be absorbed into the soil as well.  Sleep washes over me in waves.

I dream of Raijin's smiling face.  

~*~*~*~*~*~

        On most days, back when I slaved under Mother's power, I would awake before dawn to begin my chores.  After the previous night's efforts at battle, however, I slept right through sunrise, not opening my eyes until the sun was baking my shoulders with heat.  When I finally stirred, the sun was well into the sky, and hot!

        The first thing I saw was Raijin bobbing towards me over a hill.  I smiled softly to myself and pushed up into a sitting position before scrambling to my feet.  By the time he had reached me, a grin was spread from ear to ear on my face.  "I won!" I exclaimed joyously, when he stopped before me.

        "Huh?" his expression was dumbfounded, lacking his usual radiance.  

        "Monster!" I could hardly contain my excitement.  "Overnight!"

        He took a moment to comprehend the information, and then his eyes widened into two pale moons embedded in his dark face as he figured what I meant.  "You fought a _monster_ overnight?"

        I nodded vigorously, still smiling with pride.  Raijin, however, frowned and shook his head somberly.  "That's not safe, Fujin.  You may have been lucky enough to have won, but you might not always be so lucky.  There are dangerous animals out here…" he sighed, noting how most of my happy energy had deflated.   "I'm sure you'd put up a good fight, ya know?"  I watched him without blinking, sadly.  "Look, Fujin, why don't you come back to Garden and you could learn…"

        But I had stopped listening and turned away, regardless of how much I would have loved to go with Raijin.   I knew the second I set foot in Garden they would send me right back into Mother's waiting arms, which were probably ready to strangle me to death.  

        I felt the heat of Raijin's hand on my shoulder as he rested it comfortingly there.  "Just be careful, all right?"  I nodded.  There was something heartwarming about his tone.  

~*~*~*~*~*~

        The tree bark was rough against my back as I sat in its shade next to Raijin, laughing.  He was telling me of how a monster snuck up on an instructor after escaping from the training center.  

        "Everyone kept real quiet, ya know?  And the Grat was towering over Black and he didn't even notice, ya know?  It finally smacked him in the back and knocked him to the floor, and it was just the funniest thing, ya know?"

        We laughed together, though I wasn't really sure if it was a funny story, or if Raijin just made it sound that way.  When our giggles died down, I sighed contentedly and looked up at the sky.  "Whatcha thinking about, Fujin?"

        For a moment, I continued to stare off into the vast void of clear air, the blue sky, and the shining sun that had been once preached to me as evil.  I took a deep breath, and pondered what to say.  "I'm thinking…" I had to put the sentences together on the backs of my eyelids and focus very hard to say them, "how nice it is just to breathe."

        Raijin laughed, and smiled brightly.  "Yeah, it is.  Means you're alive, ya know?"  He took a deep breath and let it all out, slowly.  

        "I mean," I sighed, pondering just how to phrase what I felt.  "I spent most of my life in a prison."  I paused, the force of the memories flooding me and forcing the air out of my lungs.  I pressed on.  "I slept every night in a dark basement.  I hadn't really seen the sun since my father's funeral, except through the glass of windows, or when I took the garbage outside."  I had never realized until that very moment, as a bird chirruped above and the wind kissed my face, how much I had been missing in life.  "What I'm saying is," the realization hit me like a bag of soft feathers had been dumped on me.  "I think I'm finally happy."  

        "Well," Raijin grinned, the shiny white of his teeth winking back at me.  "I'm glad I'm a part of the happiness."

        I turned and looked at him, but my eyes were only able to make contact with his for fleeting seconds before habit forces my gaze away.  Another second lingers, and then I rest my head on his shoulder, comfortable at his side.  "You're my only friend, Raijin," I told him somberly.  "We'll always stick together."

        Raijin laughed, heartily, the warmth of it washing over me as he patted my knee reassuringly.  "Always, Fuu-sama.  Always, ya know?"

        And those words, whether they be true or not, would be the most promising words I would ever hear.

[End Chapter Five]


	6. Colors of the Wind

**Just to Breathe  
**~Fujin's Story~  
  
**Chapter Six**  
**The Colors of the Wind**

        I began notching the days that passed onto a large oak with one of Shuriken's blades.  Every morning Raijin would bring me a hot do, a food I came to love.  Once, I inquired how he got so many hot dogs out of the school, and he laughed, "I'm friends with one of the cafeteria workers, ya know?"

        Just as well, he always had something to teach me about fighting, or what became known to me as Balamb Garden.  "After you've finished all of your training, you can take the SeeD exam."  I took all of this in as I ate.  "First you have to take a written test, which is rumored to be really, really hard.  If you pass, you take the field exam.  It's usually a highly supervised mission.  They send real SeeDs along, in case any of the nominees mess up.  Seifer and I can't wait to take the test, ya know?"  He always tacked that phrase on when he became excited.  "We'll pass it with flying colors, ya know?  I just know we will!"  

        I nodded, a small smile touching my lips.  I knew he'd pass the exam, I was certain of it, but a small part of me wished that I could be there, passing right along with him.  I shrugged the thought away, and gulped down the last of my hot dog.  "Ready?" I asked him, and he always was.  From there we'd wander the plains of between Balamb and the Garden, training against monsters in the time he had before classes.  

        While Raijin was in school, I would sit alone under the shade of the trees.  From time to time, I'd meet up with what Raijin taught me were Bite Bugs, or Geezards, but if I came across anything else, as he'd instructed me to, I ran.  "You're not ready yet, ya know?  Someday you will be, probably soon, but not yet, ya know?"

        Most of the time I'd polish my Shuriken with my blanket until it gleamed like the sun itself.  Other times I would work on my speech, though no matter how perfect the words were in my mind, they never left my mouth that way.  

        In the evenings, Raijin would bring me another meal, usually another hot dog.  He was never able to stay very long because of a curfew, but commonly stretched out the visit as long as he could.  He hated leaving me in the forest alone over night, and every day he begged me to return to the Garden with him.  Everyday, though, I had to refuse his offer.  I just couldn't go…sometimes I'd stay awake all night, waiting for something to sneak upon me.  Other times I would try to keep one eye open until the very second I fell into sleep.

        Once, in the woods, I dreamed that an infinitely large monster attacked me.  I tried and tried to get away from it, but it was some how holding onto me.  I attempted to fight, but it ripped my face off.  Just as the world began to become a red mess, I woke up.  I didn't scream because Mother had taught me not to, and I could have sworn I had that nightmare before, except it had been mother that had ripped off my face…but I didn't understand why!  

        I sat up all night, until the first breath of dawn lighted over the clouds.  If Mother was reaching out to me in my dreams, I was determined not to give in…no matter what form she took on.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        On the day of the fifteenth notch, Raijin didn't come as usual in the morning.  My first instinct was that he had been delayed, and I sat waiting for him, blanket draped over me for shelter, my eyes peeled on the road.  A sufficient amount of time came and went, but still he did not come.  He would be mid-way through his classes, and still I was sitting alone.  My stomach groaned, reminding me of my days in the basement with little to no food.  I looked longingly towards Balamb…could I make the journey on my own?

        When the sun was mid-way over the sky, I had just about given up on Raijin.  Stretching my legs, I made a decision… I would go to Balamb, by myself.  The walk was much longer without Raijin's babbling company.  The city loomed before me.  The colors were everything I had ever dreamed of. 

        Passing the weapons shop where I had gotten my shuriken, I noticed a father teaching his son how to ride a tricycle.  Seeing this sent a pang through me, and I turned away, though one eye remained on them.  Further down the road, a young, pregnant woman at the city's hotel was bringing in the mail to her husband.  She failed to notice me as I crept by, watching as he first hugged her before she could hold the mail hostage, persuading him to kiss her.  My heart stung.  

        I let the salt on the breeze lead me to the dock, and seated myself where I could stare out at Dollet.  From a distance the scene appeared to be nothing more than browns and grays…natural colors.  I wondered of the rainbow that the distance of the ocean hid from me; of the squealing, happy children in reds, and the worried, yet warm parents in yellows.  How I missed the colors of my life…

        I sat gazing at Dollet for quite awhile, forgetting momentarily of the hunger that was clawing at my stomach.  I wondered if there were any mothers there that were like mine had been.  I wondered if their children had names, or maybe numbers.  Where they just 'boy' or 'girl,' like I had been?  

        "Are you waiting for someone?"  A voice behind me interrupted my inner monologue, causing me to startle, and jump.  My muscles tensed, and I was afraid to turn around.  Who's eyes would I gaze into?  Surely they could not be the evil eyes of Mother…

        "Miss?"  The voice spoke again, "Is everything all right?"

        "Yes," I snapped, a little more harshly than I had meant.  I took a moment to calm myself, and then spoke again, softer.  "I'm…fine."

        The tapping sound of footsteps warned me that the woman was coming closer.  "It's a beautiful view, isn't it?"

        Curious, I glanced up at her, as she stood beside me, looking out over the water.  She was a heavy-set woman with a long, brown mop of hair tied at the nape of her neck.  To me she was beautiful.  Mother had never appeared so simply…motherly.  When I didn't answer, she glanced down at me.  "Is there anything you need?"  As if on cue, my stomach chose that moment to growl furiously, and the woman laughed from deep in her belly.  "Why don't you come with me, and I'll get you something to eat?"

        I started to refuse her, instinctively afraid that she would send me back, but something in her eyes made me stop.  They were a warm, soft brown, and there was nothing jagged or unkind about them.  My stomach lurched again, and I finally gave in.  "Okay," my voice was hardly more than a whisper.  

        The woman offered me her hand, but I stood shakily on my own.  "My name's Maureen," she told me.  "Maureen Dincht, but everyone just calls me Ma.  What's your name?"

        "Fujin," I spoke softly, still untrusting my own abilities to speak more than one word at a time.

        "Fujin," she repeated.  "That's a pretty name."

        I thought so too, but I did not tell her this.  I followed her back up the hill, passed the hotel, and down the stairs, into her house.  "This is my home," Maureen told me.  "It's not much, but home is were the heart is, and this is were my heart belongs." She beamed at me as she stepped into the kitchen.  "I haven't cooked many big meals since my son left for school, but he visits from time to times on the weekends.  Just yesterday he came home, and we had a big feast.  Do you like turkey?"  I nodded, not even sure what turkey was, but willing to try it.  "It's lonely sometimes, with Clayton always off at work, and my son away at school, but I find that as long as I keep them in my heart, I am never alone."

        "Your son?" I liked hearing her talk, and I wanted to hear more. 

        "Zell," she told me.  "He's probably just about your age.  He lives at Balamb Garden, and he's training to be a SeeD special militia someday.  It's his dream to be a great protector of Balamb city."

        "Garden," I repeated, recognizing the term.  "My friend…goes there."

        "Really?  What's his name?  Perhaps he's a friend of Zell's."  She never once took her eyes away from her cooking.

        "Raijin," I told her, though I didn't know if there was any name that accompanied it.

        Mrs. Dincht raised her eyebrows at the mention of Raijin's name.  "Raijin, eh?" she chuckled to herself.  "I've heard a lot about him and that pal of his…Seifer Almasy."

        I wanted to ask her what she had heard; I wanted to know if Zell was a friend of Raijin's, but Mrs. Dincht had handed me a plate of food that smelled just wonderful.  "Eat up, deary," she smiled softly.  "You're thin as a rail."  And so I ate every morsel.  I've never since tasted anything quite as wonderful.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        "Do you need anything else?"

        I had finished eating and was exploring the Dincht family room with great eagerness.  Shaking my head in answer, I continued to examine the black box that was a television, much larger than the one my own mother had slaved in front of.  When Mrs. Dincht laid a hand on my shoulder, I practically jumped out of my skin, but she tightened her hold.  "Fujin," I remained silent and tense under her grip.  "If you need anything, anything at all: clothes, food, a place to stay…"

        I shook my head vigorously, afraid to accept the offer, even though her tone indicated that she meant me no harm.  

        She sighed, "You know where you can find me if you change your mind."  She gave my shoulder one last squeeze before letting go.  I reached up to rub at it, being that my skin had been rather tender recently.  "Now then," her voice was cheery again, much like Raijin's was.  "Do you like cards?"

        "Cards?" I carefully sounded out the word, committing it to my memory.  Mrs. Dincht nodded, producing a pack of small, picture-looking rectangles.  I took them gingerly, and examined the first card I saw… It was a geezard!  I glanced back up at Mrs. Dincht, interested.

        "You've never played Triple Triad?" she asked, and I shook my head no.  A smile spread across her face.  "Well, then," she sat down, motioning for me to sit across from her.  "We'll just have to do something about that."

        That day I received my very first set of Triple Triad cards.  By the time I left the Dincht house, my hair had been washed and braided, a full stomach, and I had been thoroughly beaten ten times in the game.  Because Mrs. Dincht had a good heart, she let me keep the cards I should have lost to her, which amounted to pretty much all of my set.  

When I stepped outside, the sun was on its way down.  Raijin would be at the forest if he were to be coming for an evening visit.  I held the cards safely against my chest as I ran down the road, out of Balamb.  Rain began to fall.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        By the time I reached the forest, I was soaked through to the bone.  Raijin pulled me into an intense bear hug when he found me, and I felt my skin bruising underneath his bulging arms.  "I was so worried, ya know?  I meant to come by in the morning…where did you go?"

        I smiled weakly up him, suddenly very tired from my journey.  "Where did you go?" he repeats, just then noticing the long braid that ran down my back.  He toyed with it curiously.  

        "Balamb," I whisper, barely able to keep my eyes open.

        "It's raining," Raijin tells me, softly, and I nod.

        "I know."

        He sighs, gently.  "Will you come back?"  I do not answer him, but he understands my silence.  He draws me into another hug, gentler this time, attempting to shield me from the rain.  "I worry about you, ya know?"  I nod against the huge bulk of his muscled chest.  Timidly, I wrap my arms around him, taking comfort in his warmth.  "I'll stay with you tonight," Raijin informs me.  "I'll get in trouble with Garden, but that's okay, ya know?  I can't leave you out here in the rain by yourself."

        I start to tell him I'll be fine, but he clamps his hand over my mouth and cuts me off.  Finding the blanket under the bush that served as its protector, Raijin laid it out on the grass under the storm clouds.  "Not exactly safe, really, but we can't be under the trees, ya know?"

        We lay on the blanket together, our shoulders touching only because he takes up so much space, and watch the pink lightning on the horizon.  The sky above us is a vast empty blackness, crying raindrops that kiss our faces.  For along time I lay away, even as Raijin succumbs to snoring.  Eventually the sound pulls me down with it, into a warm, fluffy blackness… and I sleep peacefully for the first time since my escape.  

[End Chapter Six]


	7. Posse

Just to Breathe

~Fujin's Story~

Chapter Six "Posse" 

****

"Wasting time, let the hours role by, doing nothing for the fun; a little taste of the good life.  Whether right or wrong, it makes us want to stay, stay, stay for a while."  --DMB; "Stay (Wasting Time)"

Come morning, my skin was baking in the sun, a stinging pain, yet I did not open my eyes.  The restfulness of my night's dream was slipping away, but I wasn't ready to let go just then.  A cool shadow fell over my face, and at first I thought that it was Raijin trying to protect me from the sun.  However, the silky voice that washed over me did not belong to the image painted on my eyelids.

 "I _knew_ you were sneaking out to see someone, Raijin, I just _knew _it!"

A prick of fear shivered over my burning skin and my eyes snapped open.  The sun on his back eclipsed him, and for a moment I could only see the black silhouette of a young man.  I scrambled to my knees when I noticed the colossal sword resting on his shoulder in a defiant, yet relaxed pose, and I got a better look.  

It was a gunblade.

"S…Seifer?" The query tumbled off of her tongue before she could stop it.  

The look on his face shifted from amusement, to surprise, to pride.  "So I see Raijin has told you _all_ about me," he lifted his chin regally, carelessly swooping down the gunblade so that he could lean on it, just barely missing my face as she swooshed it.  Beside me, Raijin stirred, opened his eyes.

"Seifer, what're you doin' here, ya know…" he sounded groggy, tired.

"Retrieving _you_ nimrod."  The tone of Seifer's voice slightly reminded me of Mother, criticizing and cruel, but my gaze didn't wander.  I was awe struck by his face.  I admired him as he and Raijin spoke.  The sun glinted off of his blonde hair, shimmering at me like gold.  His eyes were a liquid blue that rippled with dignity and purpose.  His skin was a perfect medium between the bronze of Raijin's and the platinum of mine.  He looked strong, but well toned, not bulky like Raijin.  It was my first glimpse of Heaven, and I found that I could not so much as blink.

I was still kneeling, breathless now, before him when I realized that Raijin had offered me a hand to stand up.  A sudden need to prove my own strength plagued me, and I stood, however shakily, on my own.  Cluelessly, I followed the pair down the road to Balamb.  Instantly, I thought of Ma Dincht.  

"Raijin," he turned his head to look at me, curiously, when I spoke.  I thought very hard about the words I wanted to say, but by speaking quickly, they jumbled up as they exited my mouth.  "With friends Dincht Zell are you?"  Raijin and Seifer both stopped to stare at me, and I was instantly ashamed, not only of my inept sentence, but of how coarse and crude my voice sounded.

"What's wrong with _her?_" Seifer complained, "Why does she talk like that?"  

Humiliation stabbed through me like a BiteBug's stinger.  I took a deep breath, trying to calm the sudden rage that had sprouted within me.  "I don't know, ya know?  Sometimes she has trouble—″ I kicked him.  I couldn't help myself; I didn't want him to embarrass me anymore than I all ready was.  The instant my foot connected with his shin, though, I regretted the action.  

It didn't faze him physically, but he stared at me with heartache in his eyes that I hat thought impossible.  I nearly turned away and fled, but Raijin grabbed my burning arm and stopped me.  

"Are you okay?" There was sincerity in his voice that turned my body to liquid, and I struggled not to lose my stomach.  He comforted me, "Breathe, ya know?"

I tried to relax, taking long, deep breaths as he'd instructed.  Raijin held me steady a moment longer, and then Seifer stepped up beside us.  "She gonna be okay?"

Raijin looked to me for clearance, and when I nodded, he released me. Seifer turned away with a swooping motion, black trench coat flaring out behind him, leaving me to marvel at his ability to tolerate the blazing heat.  Weakly, I stumbled behind him, and we made our way to Balamb.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Seifer set the bait box and rented fishing equipment on the dock, on which I had so often looked out to Dollet.  I made my way to the rickety edge and looked out towards the city.  Behind us, Raijin had stripped to his boxers, and came bounding down the dock.  

"Wahoo, ya know!" he yelled as he pushed off of the dock, soared through the air, and smashed into the sea, drenching Seifer and I with water.  Turning swiftly to block my face, I lost my balance.  Frantically waving my arms, I tried to regain it, but started to fall nonetheless.  Just as I began to mentally brace myself for the water, a gloved hand grasped my wrist and yanked me back, away from the edge.  Seifer's body was hard and cold when I fell into him, and he shoved me away before I could notice any soft warmth.  Looking up at him in awe, I saw a hint of annoyance glinting in his eyes as he stared down at the rippling water.  "You oughta be more careful," he barked when Raijin resurfaced.  

"I'm sorry boss, ya know?" he offered, then looked sympathetically at me and mouthed his apologies.  Seifer grunted again and sat on the edge of the dog, legs draping over the side as he baited his hook and cast the line.  I stood there behind him, tall and straight, like a soldier, as Mother had once taught me to do.  I admired Seifer's broad, strong shoulders as sunlight danced upon them, but Raijin's voice brought me out of my trance.  "Why don't you come swimming, ya know?" he called up as he treaded water not so far away.

"You're scarin' all the fish away," Seifer complained, but Raijin simply laughed.  

"Come on, Fujin, ya know?"  When I shook my head silently, he splashed more water up at me.  "The water's nice, ya know?"

"No," I denied him, with a little more force in my voice.  "But thanks."

"It's real fun, ya know?" he called again.  I sense Seifer's annoyance and thought he was stalking away behind me.  Raijin persisted, "Just come in for a little while, ya know?"

I tried to glare at him, hating the embarrassment that plagued me.  "Can't swim," I snapped.

"Can't swim?" Seifer's voice was mocking, much closer behind me then it should have been.  Just as I hung my head in defeat, I felt the jolt of hands on my shoulders, and my body pitched forward. 

There wasn't time to scream before I hit the water.  Instantly I tried to claw my way to the surface, but Seifer was still holding onto me, dragging me down with him.  I began to think he was trying to drown me, and just as I stopped my struggle, the image of Mother raced through my mind.  Suddenly he kicked up, pulling my body along with him.  As we broke the surface, I opened my mouth to gasp for air.  I struggled away from Seifer, kicking and paddling to keep my body afloat.  It took me a moment to realize what he had done, and what I was now doing.

A bubble in my chest rose and erupted out of my mouth.  The sound it emitted was oddly beautiful.  I couldn't control myself; I had to laugh!  I was swimming!  I grinned foolishly.  

Paddling in a circle and turning back, I saw that Seifer had removed his jacket, gloves, and shirt before jumping in with me.  He and Raijin were complete opposites, but to me, it didn't matter.  I decided that moment that they were my friends.  I swam back to them, smiling.  

"See, you _can_ swim."  Seifer commented.  "Not bad for a beginner."  His approval meant everything to me.  

We spent a good hour or two swimming at the dock, until our fingers and toes pruned; the fishing was forgotten.  Seifer and Raijin hoisted themselves out of the water, and the two of them together pulled me out.  For a while we laid out on the dock, letting the sun warm and dry us.  

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Seifer asked, "Swimming, I mean."

I smiled softly, my eyes closed as the sun baked me.  "Fun," I answered.  I decided that I couldn't go wrong with my usual one-word sentences.

"She's pretty cool," Raijin butted in, speaking to Seifer.  "I've only known her a few weeks, but it seems that she's one of us already, ya know?"  

"Yeah," Seifer answered.  My heart soared in my chest, and I thought it might escape my ribs.  "We'll all stick together, then.  We'll be a team."

Grinning brightly, I stared up at the blue sky.  _We'll stick together,_ I repeated to myself,_ we'll be a team.  I'm so happy that I have found friends.  We share a bond, something special.  We'll support each other when we need it.  They'll protect me and I'll learn from them how to one day protect them.  We're a team.  I want to tell them my approval, but how can I sum everything I'm feeling into one word?_  "Posse," I couldn't recall where I had learned the word, but it seemed so appropriate at the moment.  

"Yeah," Seifer was smiling too, something that I would later learn was a very rare event.  "A posse."

That moment was the beginning of a very beautiful friendship.    


	8. One Eye Open

**Just to Breathe**  
~Fujin's Story~  
  
Chapter Eight  
**One Eye Open**

****

_"_I live with my hatred, I live with my jealousy.  I live with the notion that I don't need anyone but me.  Don't drink the water, there's blood in the water._" –DMB; "Don't Drink the Water."_

Days and nights blurred together, and I stopped notching my tree.  Seifer and Raijin visited me daily.  We stuck together; we were a posse.  We fished, we swam, and we ate Friday lunches in Balamb.  They taught me fighting skills and ways to mask my fear.  Raijin brought me Triple Triad cards and taught me the names of different monsters.  We played a game or two, and I always won; Seifer never played.  I watched the two of them spar, and observed their tactics.  Raijin told me jokes ("Why did the chicken cross the road, ya know?"), and Seifer picked on me.  I tried to prove myself to them every day, and they began to mold me into a new person.

Only one day, a Tuesday, did I venture to Balamb alone to visit Ma Dincht. "You look different," she told me.

"How?" I asked, in my soft-spoken, one-word usual.

Smiling, her features softened as she reached up to touch my cheek.  It took every ounce of strength into me not to instinctively flinch.  "You're more confident.  You look more sure of yourself."

I smiled, full of glee and pride, and she laughed as she continued, "You're still skinny as a rail, and filthy!"  Slightly embarrassed, I ducked my face, but she only chuckled again as she started away.  "Come, I'll draw you a warm bath, and while you wash, I will fix you something for lunch."

It was the last visit I ever made to the Dincht house that I can see clearly.  The colors, the scents…the cheer.  She braided my hair as I gulped down her specialty stew.  I thought carefully and asked about her son.

"He's a bit rambunctious," she informed me.  "Tall, blonde, spunky.  Just recently got into skating."  She tied off the braid with an elastic band, and then moved to refill my bowl.  "He puts his heart into everything," she continued, "And he's fiercely loyal.  He'll defend anything he believes in.  Got himself into quite a few fights defending himself," she sighed as she sat down across from me.  "Always getting into trouble, but that's my boy."

I wanted to meet him, I decided.  They mythical Zell Dincht…would I be able to guess if it was him I saw walking down the road towards Balamb?

I lost two games of Triple Triad before I wisely decided to quit.  "Your game has improved," she told me with a wink, "You're quick with numbers."  I was mostly pleased because I hadn't studied in such a long time.  She sent me on my way out of Balamb two cards poorer than I had come in with, but it didn't bother me at all.  Clean, my hair braided, I felt pretty enough to smile at Seifer.  I hoped he would notice me.  

Then, my ambition to gain acceptance was driven mainly due to my rejection by Mother.  I would do anything and everything to have someone love me.  It filled a hole that lurked in my past, especially when it came to Seifer.  I suppose it was his attitude, his way of putting me down when he meant to pick me up, that reminded me of Mother, and made his acceptance all the more beautiful.  I desired it, craved it.   I thought of him when I woke up in the morning, and before I fell asleep at night…but still, the nightmares plagued me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

         Mother came to me in my sleep that night.  I could feel her hot, whisky breath on my neck, and I cringed.  _Girl, _she demanded_, get your ass up and WORK.  Nothing's getting done around here!  You're so lazy!  There is nothing but punishment for LAZY people!  Do you hear me?  Are you LISTENING?!_

         She was on me with her fists and nails, beating and scratching me.  I screamed, unable to fight back.  I began to run, but couldn't.  She held me still; she held me down.  Taking the front of my hair in her hands, she ripped her fist downwards.  My face came off, and hung limply, dangling from her grasp.  

_You are an ugly girl!  Do you hear me?!  UGLY!_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

         Seifer came to visit me alone on the day after my trip to Balamb.  "Hey," he sauntered up to the forest, gunblade resting on his shoulder as usual.  "You got your hair done."

         "Thanks," I grinned, taking his acknowledgement as a compliment.  "Raijin?"

         "The big oaf got himself sick," Seifer relayed, "So he's takin' the day off.  He asked me to come visit you."  I nodded, only partially disheartened that he hadn't come on his own.   "Anyway," he continued, "Cafeteria workers don't like me so much, so do you wanna go to Balamb for breakfast?  My treat, and I know you wouldn't refuse my hospitality," he added before I could protest.  

         The walk went pretty quickly traveling off of the roads, and Seifer took out nearly every creature we encountered with one blow of his gunblade.  I couldn't figure out if he was showing off, or if he just enjoyed doing the deed himself.  We found a nice little café near the town entrance and made our way inside.  

         "We'll both have the breakfast special, eggs scrambled, toast rye," he ordered for me.  I didn't mind, only because I loved hearing his voice.  

         While we waited for our food, Seifer talked.  He liked hearing his own voice, I decided, and took advantage of the fact.  "Tell me…" I began, concentrating on the words, "about your past."  He simply shrugged, and began his life's story.  

         "Not much to tell, really.  Grew up in an orphanage in Centra.  I was the strongest kid there, so everyone respected me.  I was adopted when I was six, and moved to Timber.  Family didn't like me much, so they put me in another orphanage.  Got passed around a lot after that.  When I was ten I got dropped off at Balamb Garden and met up with Raijin.  Been there ever since.  Balamb's a nice Garden, I guess.  The students are decent enough fighters, but they're no match for me.  Not even Squall."

         The waitress brought our food then, but I was hardly interested in eating.  I leaned towards Seifer, my crimson eyes wide with fascination.  "Squall?"

         "Squall Leonhart," he popped a slice of bacon into his mouth.  "One of Balamb's more promising students.  Stuck up bastard, though.  Thinks he's all that and a bag of chips," chucking, he spread butter on his toast.  "No match for me, though, no sir-ee.  Won't even spar with me.  You know why?"  I shook my head, solemnly.  "'Cause he's afraid of me.  Eat your breakfast before it gets cold."

         "Yes, Ma," I retorted, because it had sounded like something like Ma Dincht would say.  Seifer chuckled as I took a timid bite of my eggs.  "What about," I continued, following the thought.  "Zell Dincht?  Good?"

         "Good?" he laughed more heartily, gulping down the rest of his breakfast.  "Zell's a yellow bellied chicken.  Wusses out of every offer to spar he gets.  Annoying, too.  Really loud and never shuts up.  Admires Squall, though, God only knows why.  Pretty lame if you ask me."  

         Back then I believed that everything Seifer said must be true.  Disappointing as it was, I swallowed the news with the rest of my breakfast.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

         By the time Seifer left I was in a particularly giddy mood.  It was strange how I was so willing to accept his views of the world, without protesting.  I bounced around the forest, Shuriken in hand, trying to come up with ways to impress both him and Raijin.  Carelessly I spun around, laughing.  I felt as if nothing could ever go wrong.  

Then I heard the noise. 

The forest leaves seemed to be crunching by themselves.  It made a violent shucking sound that forced me to cringe.  I looked around desperately for something to blame it on.  I got my answer soon enough. 

         It towered over me like a pillar.  Beady eyes looked frantically around and then focused on me.  I could almost see what it was thinking.  _"Attack!"_  I scanned my mind, panic-stricken, for the image of a card that I had stored in my mind.  

         It was a T-Rexaur.  One of the beasts Raijin had warned me about.  Run, he had said.  I tightened my grip on Shuriken and glared up at it.  If I could just take him down, Seifer would be so impressed…

         The moment it snapped at me with it's enormous, powerful jaw, I knew I was in trouble.  I just barely managed to dodge out of the way.  I began to summon Pandemona, though I knew there wouldn't be enough time with the rate at which the T-Rexaur was swiping at me.  I kept dodging his swings and assails, but I was no match for him.  Finally giving in, I turned to run.  

         At first I thought that perhaps I was running in place…but then I felt the pain.  The monster had caught my braid in his teeth!  I pulled hard, flailing my arms as if it might help.  He yanked back and I stumbled.  I heard a rip.  Opening my eyes I began to scream hysterically.   Looming above me was a T-Rexaur with an open jaw, coming straight for my face.

         It was the last thing I saw before my world pitched into blackness.  

[End Chapter Eight]


	9. Wake From A Dream

**Just to Breathe**  
~Fujin's Story~  
  
Chapter Nine  
**Wake From A Dream**

"The quest is to be liberated from the negative, which is really our own will to nothingness.  And once having said yes to the instant, the affirmation is contagious.  It burns into a chain of affirmations that knows no limit.  To say yes to one instant is to say yes to all of existence."  -Waking Life

            She smiled an ivory smile in my direction, the woman in white.  Pale and gentle in appearance, she had the look of a goddess about her.  When I reached out to touch her porcelain skin, she took my hand in both of her own.  A peaceful coolness swept over me.  Here was the place I had been dreaming of my whole life, and I smiled with a happy tear in my eye.  

            She turned me towards a French door, through which I could only see white.  I glanced over my shoulder with confusion on my face to look back at her when she let go of my hand.  "You must go back," she whispered, her voice a musical symphony.  

            "I want to stay," I reached for her again. 

            "Someday," touching my cheek, she smiled beautifully.  "But first you must live."

            Shimmering like a sun striking water, she glittered so brightly that I was force to close my eyes.  Warmth started to leave me as I fell away in pieces, back to reality.  White shattered away into black.  I was once again, alone, cold, and frightened.  Around me, there was nothing but emptiness. 

            Up until that point, it had been the happiest dream of my life.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            I couldn't open my eyes; they were heavy and felt as if they had been glued shut.  I moved my hands towards my face, but they were restrained.  There was something in my arm.  Panic stricken, I started to thrash.  

            "She's awake," an attendant's voice reached my ears, but I didn't recognize it.  Footsteps, and she was beside me.  "It's okay, don't struggle, I'm not going to hurt you."  I pulled away from the direction she seemed to be coming from, "I'm just going to take the bandage off of your eyes, hold still."

            Heart racing, I obeyed, convinced that somehow, being able to see would calm my nerves.  Her hands were cool and smelt of ammonia.  She spoke as she removed the dressing, "From what I gather, you got into a bad scrape with something out there.  Fortunately for you, someone managed to get you away from it before it mangled you any further."  I heard her wince before I was able to see her face, my vision unclear and blurry.  "We cured you all that we could," she sighed, "But sometimes magic just doesn't work on mortal wounds."  

            It suddenly dawned on me that I would never see out of my left eye again.  

            I looked around the room; desperate at the same time I was terrified to know what my face looked like.  "I'm Dr. Kadowaki," the woman announced when my single eye returned to her face.  She appeared to be aged, yet in a gentle way.  "I'm the head of the medical staff, here at Garden."

            Garden?  I was at Garden?  It was like hearing angels sing and car wheels screech at the same time.  I didn't know whether I should be happy or afraid.

            "Can you tell me your name?" she asked, softly.  

            My mind began to race frantically through my memories, and my voice was timid when I spoke, "Fuu…Fujin."

            "Fujin?" she raised an eyebrow, with interest.  "Well, Fujin," she continued.  "I'm afraid that we weren't able to save your eye, and I'm sorry, but there are a few other conditions I am worried about."  I looked hopelessly up at her, daring her to stare me in the eye.  She glanced down at her medical chart.  "Are you aware of your skin condition?"

            I looked down at my reddened hands, curiously.  I had never thought anything about my skin except that it was ugly.  It was, after all, what Mother had told me.  "Ugly," I responded, slightly hurt that she was reiterating this fact to me.  I wondered if all women thought the way Mother had. 

            "No, no, it's not ugly," the doctor reassured me, and I raised my eyebrow.  "You have a skin condition known as Albinism.  Where you aware of that?"  

            I shook my head no, curious now.   She looked slightly surprised, but once again consulted her clipboard.  "Albinism is a condition in which the skin contains little to no pigmentation, or color.  It also makes your skin more sensitive to sunlight, which explains why your skin is sunburned, and probably sore.  You'll have to wear a specific sunscreen in the future, in order to protect yourself from that."

            It seemed to make sense now.  Mother had always forbidden me from the outdoors, and I had assumed it as punishment.  Maybe, in her own sick and twisted way, she really was protecting me.  

            Anxious footsteps echoed through the hall, and I glanced towards the doorway.  "Fujin?" a voice drifted in.  The doctor moved to the entrance, speaking in hushed tones with the man.  I waited nervously in my bed, feeling helpless and ashamed.  Dr. Kadowaki turned to face me again; "Your friend has been waiting here most of the night, and would like to see you, if that's alright."  I nodded weakly.  "I'll be in my office, send him out if you need me."  

            I ducked my head so that he wouldn't see my eye first, saddened that there was little to no hair to curtain my face.  Footsteps, and Seifer came around the corner.  "Hey there," his tone was soft and relaxed, but it was the site of him out of the corner of my eye that shook me. His normally pale coat was stained with dark, dried blood.  He looked pale and exhausted.  "How're you feelin'?" I didn't answer, but he pressed.  "Let me see," and I turned my head away.  "It's okay, Fujin, I just want to see that you're okay."  It struck a chord within me to know that he was somewhat concerned.  I slowly lifted my face, forcing myself not to turn away when first shock, pain, and then worry danced over his features.  "I…uh…" he glanced nervously around the room, as if focusing on my face for too long would kill him.  "I heard you scream when I was almost back, so I…ran back and it… the T-Rexaur…"

            "Okay," I spoke up, saving the pair of us from reliving the moment.  

            "Shit, Fuu…" he took a few steps closer.  "I'm real sorry."

            "Understand," averting my vision, I focused on my pale, sunburned hands.  

            For a while he stood there in silence, and I could feel his sympathetic eyes examining my injuries.  It was the sort of quiet involved in a mutual healing, and I sighed deeply, admitting my discouragement.  "Ugly?"

            He shook his head, but didn't answer.  I think in that in that moment, he convinced himself that he needed to be my protectorate.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            I received visits from Seifer and Raijin all week.  Raijin would tell me jokes, bring me ice cream ("I wanted to get you a kitten, ya know?"), and on the few occasions that he sat down for a serious talk, encouraged me.  Seifer mostly sat aloof in the corner, sporting a new, gray trench coat that he had purchased in Balamb, featuring red crosses on the sleeves.  

            At the end of my first week in the Balamb Garden infirmary, both Dr. Kadowaki and the mythical headmaster paid me a visit.  "You'll be strong enough to leave the infirmary for certain by tomorrow," the older woman spoke softly.  I nodded, but didn't respond, my hopes secretly falling, for the infirmary had become my safe haven.  

Headmaster Cid Kramer, who had introduced himself to me only a few minutes earlier, smiled down at me with a grandfather's sanguinity.  "My wife and I have had long discussions over the past week concerning what we should do about this situation."  My hands fisted the sheets, certain that I was about to be shipped back to Mother's angry claws, even as a one-eyed, pale-skinned, ugly girl.  "I've spoken to both Seifer and Raijin, and both are under the assumption that you are an orphan."  My heart skipped a beat, silently praising Raijin for his lie.  "Assuming that this is the case," he continued, "My wife and I have decided that it would be in your best interest to remain here, at Garden, as a student in our program."  He looked pointedly at me, "You just need to tell me the truth.  Do you have a father?"

"Dead," I answered, recalling those few fresh breaths of air at his funeral, "Cancer."

"And a mother?"

I swallowed hard, "Dead."

He looked at me intensely, meeting the stare of my single crimson eye.  "It's settled, then," he smiled gently, and I could've sworn in that moment that he knew of my lie.  "Tomorrow you will be moved from the infirmary to one of the dormitory doubles," I almost smiled as I breathed a sigh of relief.

"There's only one condition," Dr. Kadowaki cut in, and I caught my breath.  "I've been observing your speech patterns over the last week, and its puzzled me.  You have a tendency to use short, one or two word phrases when speaking, and on the occasion that you speak without concentrating to an extreme, your sentences become scrambled and illogical."

I hung my head, having been praying that my condition wouldn't surpass my unpigmented skin and lack of a left eye.  She continued, "There's an area of the brain's frontal lobe known as the Broca's area, which affects speech, but not reading and hearing.  Obviously, you can hear just fine.  Can you read?"  I nodded, gingerly.  "I don't want to make any premature diagnosis, so I'd like you to see a speech therapist, twice a week, for observation.  If you agree to do so, you may continue to reside in Garden's halls.  Understood?"

"I…understand," I nodded, wanting so badly to simply speak fluently.  

Headmaster Cid smiled and offered me his hand, "Well then, Fujin, it's a pleasure to welcome you to Balamb Garden."  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            My last visitors of the evening were the only others I had ever received: Raijin and Seifer.  Raijin bounced in, a big smile on his face and a package in his hand.  I looked passed him to Seifer, who held a small bouquet of yellow and blue flowers.  "We heard the good news, ya know?" Raijin beamed, "So we got you some get well and homecoming gifts!"  

            Seifer simply offered me a quiet smile, offering the bouquet, which I took and smelled greedily.  Raijin dropped the box in my lap, "Open it, ya know!" he commanded.  

            Tentatively, I untied the ribbons and folded away the shiny paper.  Inside the tiny box was a black eye patch.  I looked curiously up at my friend.  "I wanted to get you a glass eye, ya know, but I couldn't find one anywhere, ya know?  'Sides, this is much cooler, and it will make you look intimidating.  Our posse has a reputation, ya know?  We gotta look tough." He crossed his arms over his largely muscled chest, grinning proudly.  When he put it that way, I couldn't help but grin.  Tying the cord around my head, I slipped the patch over the indentation where my eye had once been.  "You look ten times more confident all ready, ya know?"

            Turning my head I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window.  I was not at all pretty, but I did indeed appear to be menacing.  I looked to Seifer for approval, and he smirked.  "You look like a pirate," when I made no response, he concluded, "It's a good look for you."  

            I smiled, beginning my emotional recovery, knowing that for certain I had the two best friends in the world.  

[End Chapter Nine]

Authoress's Note:  I originally intended for this chapter to go on much longer, but I decided to cut into two different chapters, making this a short one.  Regardless, I hope you enjoyed.  I wanted to let everyone know that I did research both Albinism and Broca's Aphasia, which I used in this section of the story.  Was I too technical?  Please let me know your thoughts.   Happy reading!


	10. Evil Eyes

**Just to Breathe**  
~Fujin's Story~  
  
Chapter Ten  
**Evil Eyes**

_"She thinks, we look at each other, wondering what the other is thinking, but we never say a thing, and these crimes between us grow deeper." –DMB; "Ants Marching"  
  
_

In the early light of morning I was visited by a young woman, dressed in what I learned was a SeeD uniform, who identified herself with the name of Xu.  "I'm here to fit you into a uniform," she explained, and I realized that I had worn nothing other than my infirmary shift for an entire week.  I suddenly felt dirty and disgusted with myself.  After she took my measurements, she showed me to a shower in the back of the infirmary.  As I washed myself I imagined my passed being scrubbed away with the dirt and grime.  It slid off of my body, mixed with the water, and disappeared down the drain.  I was happy to see it go.

            Xu returned shortly after I'd dried myself and presented me with a navy Garden uniform.  The material was soft, and I first ran my hands over the fabric, and then traced the silver design with my fingertips.  I slipped the uniform on my slim body, and turned to a mirror.  From the neck down, I thought, I looked pretty official.  The image was completed with a pair of mid-shin, steel-toed, combat-style boots, which I liked the best of the entire uniform.  Slipping the eye patch back over my eye, I grinned satisfactorily. 

            With Xu leading me out of the infirmary, I got my first good look at Balamb Garden's interior.  The grand structure climbed upwards three stories, Xu explained.  "Headmaster Cid's office is located on the third floor, and most of the classrooms are located on the second.  On this floor are the dorms, parking garage, training center, library, infirmary, quad, and cafeteria.  There's a directory in the southern hall, if you get lost."  And there were also signs, I noted, as we passed the cafeteria.  

            "You'll be rooming with my old roommate.  When you pass your SeeD test, you get to move into a dormitory single.  She's a little bossy, but I think you'll like her when you meet her."  Stopping at a chrome door in one of the first halls, Xu buzzed the door.  Only a few seconds passed before the door opened, and a thin blonde peaked her head out.  "Oh, hey Xu…What's going on?"

            "This is Fujin," Xu motioned to me.  "She's going to be your new roommate."

            The girl noticed me, then, raising her eyebrow curiously.  Xu gave me a little push towards the room.  "Don't worry, you'll settle in soon enough," she examined the face of her watch, "I have a strategy meeting in a few minutes, so I've got to get out of here.  Do you think you two can manage?"

            "Don't worry, I've got everything under control," the girl offered some sort of salute, and Xu returned the motion before waving her goodbye and skittering off down the hall.  "Well, come in, I guess." The blonde girl moved aside, opening the door wider.  It was a bigger room than the infirmary, furnished lightly with interesting looking furniture.  I looked around in awe.  "You're awfully quiet," the girl claimed.

            "Sorry," I responded, loosely.  "What's your…name?" I questioned, pouring all of my energy into concentration on the words.  

            "Quistis," she sat down on one of the beds, folding her long legs up beneath herself.  "Quistis Trepe.  I've been at Garden for three years.  My instructors say I'm very intelligent, and that I could pass my SeeD test any time.  Unfortunately, they have a rule, which requires you to be fifteen before you can take it.  How old are you?"

            "Thirteen," I answered, sitting down on the other bed, impressed when I sank into the cushions.  I could feel her watching me intensely as I nervously admired the room.  

            "If you don't mind my asking," she bit her bottom lip, blinking a few times, "What happened to your eye?  And your hair?"

            My heart sank, realizing that my face would be the first thing people would always notice.  "Accident," I explained.  "T-Rexaur."

            She raised her finely shaped brows over her crystal blue eyes, shocked, yet almost unbelieving.  "You fought a T-Rexaur?  Why?"

            "Attacked me."  I finalized, turning my head sharply away from her burning eyes.  An awkward silence followed, until Quistis stood and crossed to the door of the room, "Class starts in a little bit, are you coming?"

            Noiselessly I nodded, and followed her out into a school full of evil eyes.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_            "Isn't that the new girl…?"_

_            "What's wrong with her skin?"_

_            "She's weird…"_

_            "What happened to her eye?"_

_            "I heard she killed a man!"_

_            "Freak!"_

            While I excelled in most of my classes at Garden, the important things I learned were lessons in life.  Ignorance is bliss.  I stuck close to my posse in the first few months, so much that I was hardly ever seen without them.  No one bothered us; we were seen as the "tough kids" on campus.  It wasn't until I started to venture out on my own, to the library to find a good book, or to the training center to practice, that I started hearing the whispers and rumors.  Some said I had lost my eye in a car accident, when I lost my parents.  Others said that a man gouged it out when he tried to kill me, but had some how I managed to kill him first.  Neither rumor was true, of course.  

            I also discovered new emotions.  Living with Mother, I had only instinct, a drive to survive.  Every moment had been a struggle.  I never knew what would happen to me, there was no sense of safety knowing that I might be killed the next morning.  When I ran away, and had no one other than Raijin, and later, Seifer, I learned a desire for acceptance, which was more of a compensation for my days with mother.  In my posse, my sense of love and belongingness became, for the most part, fulfilled.  But here, in Balamb Garden, I found my self-esteem level to be constantly shot down.  

            Quistis and I hardly spoke.  I caught her staring at me often enough, and I couldn't help but imagine her thinking to herself how weird I was.  I learned about jealousy.  Watching Quistis every morning from my bed as she combed her blonde hair and put make up on her perfectly creamy skin, I felt only shame for myself.  I was nothing like Quistis.  I was ugly.  

            I met the infamous Zell Dincht two days after my initiation into the world that was Balamb Garden.  Raijin and I were seated in the cafeteria, waiting for the ever-elusive Seifer to appear, when the spiky-haired blonde rushed in, just barely avoiding a head on collision with another student as he rocketed to the lunch line.  

            "Rush, why?"  I had asked Raijin.  Back then I had kept to my quiet ways.

            "He wants a hot dog, ya know?  They sell pretty quick, ya know?  I bet he doesn't get one."

            Sure enough, the energetic boy was turned away, hot dog free.  He snapped his fingers, and as he sulked away, passed by our table.  Raijin chirped with amusement, "Gotta get here quicker, ya know?"

            Zell's head turned with slight irritation towards us, and I examined the black tattoo carved around his eye.  "What?  Oh, hey Raijin.  If you were anyone else, I'd have to get pissed off that you made fun of me."

            Raijin snorted a humble laugh before he waved a hand in my direction.  "This is my friend Fujin, ya know?  Just started classes here, ya know?"

            Zell's blue eyes focused on me for a long, quiet moment.  Sitting uncomfortably in the cold, metal chair, I searched my brain for something to say.  Raijin rescued me, "Nice tattoo, ya know?"

            As his gaze fell away from my face, he instantly puffed up with pride.  "I just got it done last week.  Ma's not too fond of it, but she'll get used to it.  I think it makes me look wicked cool!"

            I could see his mother, in my mind's gallery, as both anger and pride skittered across her face; her little boy was growing up.  "Hurt?" I questioned of the tattoo.

            "Felt like I was getting beaten senseless in the face by thousands of needles," he dramatized.  "But I'm good with pain."

            I wondered if someone like my Mother had ever beaten him senseless, knowing for certain that it wasn't his own Ma.  

            Seifer didn't get a long with Zell at all, as I soon found out.  Nor did he get a long with most of the Garden students.  He berated Zell, teased Quistis, and most of all, he insulted Squall Leonhart.  

            It wasn't until a few months after I'd arrived unceremoniously at Garden that I met Squall, myself.  I'd heard the myths and rumors; I'd listened to Seifer's stories and Raijin's back ups.  But when I tested out of Introduction to Battle Combat into a more advanced level, I was given a desk next to his.  He never said a single word to me; he never looked at me.  In fact, he said little to anyone, and looked up only when someone spoke to him.  Even then, his responses varied little from his typical "Whatever."  It wasn't my choice that I had to get to know him.

            When our instructor assigned us as partners on a combat observation test, I wasn't sure if I should be annoyed or thankful.  Sure, Seifer had put a pretty good opinion of him in my head, but he was silent, like me, as well as a supreme fighter.  

            We made a terrible team.  

            On the day of the exam, I arrived at class in uniform (as it was optional, but customary, for students to do so), and had to wait fifteen minutes for Squall to show up.  He just barely made it before it was our turn to run the course in the Training Center.  It wasn't that our fighting skills were poor, or that we didn't quite make the time limit that our scores were knocked down.  No, it was "poor communication skills" that burned the top of our grading rubrics in fierce, red ink.  He glanced at his marks, shrugged his shoulders, and walked wordlessly away.  It irritated me, for he was just as the others had said: reformed, arrogant, and full of himself.  

            Regardless, I had a secret admiration for the silent warrior.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            The days melted into weeks, the weeks dissolved into months, the months grew into a year, and then two.  I was nearly fifteen, and on the road to becoming a prominent SeeD candidate.  There were heaps of prerequisites to complete before the option was made available to me, yet I was determined to make it.  To prove myself, to my posse, to cocky Zell Dincht, to snobby Quistis Trepe, to arrogant Squall Leonhart, and to the rest of Balamb Garden's ignorant students.  

            Over the two years of my residence at the school, I had earned myself a reputation of being a fierce, angry, one-word-shouting bitch, though I suppose it was really just a shell.  My quiet, short-sentence usual had evolved into a barking burst of words.  It was a decent way to silence the whispers that floated around me, which, even with my attempts to stop them, never completely went away.  People were cruel.  

            There were sever pre-tests that lead up to the written exam that would qualify candidates for the field test that would make them SeeDs.  Quistis, Raijin, Seifer, and I were all competing for a place on one of the field squads.  Quistis would stay up late at night, devouring the words of her textbooks like a pile of the cafeteria's hot dogs (not that she would ever do such a thing).  Never once did she offer to study with me, nor did I ask her to.  In fact, I think she was dead set on scoring higher than me.  Seifer, as always, had hardly studied.  Knowledge came naturally to him, and it was a quality that I admired.  

Raijin had studied with me quite a few times, but he was so dense that little stuck to him.  We made it a game as we sparred, for me to shout out questions for him to answer, and vise versa.  If he missed, I would deliver him a good kick in the shin (an action that almost became sisterly over the years).  If I missed, he would draw magic from me, forcing me to have to draw it back before I could attack him again.  I found that Raijin remembered better when I kicked him hard.  

            It just so happened that one of the pre-tests was to be held the day of my fifteenth birthday.  It was to be a rather large test, and I couldn't seem to remember some of the names of the famous sorceresses of the past, no matter how hard I tried.  Seifer and Raijin had gone to Balamb for the evening (a privilege open to all students on Friday nights), and I was left to cram alone in my room.  Even Quistis had gone out, certain of her own history skills.  I sighed as I skimmed pages of my book.  Sorceress Adel: tyrannous ruler of Esthar.  The text was so vague… it was bookish of me, but I wanted to know more about her.  Smiling to myself, I slipped out of my dorm into the halls.  

            It was quiet, most of the students having flocked to Balamb for an evening on the town.  I preferred the halls to be empty.  I listened to my boots echo as I walked.  _Tap, tap, tap, tap…_I looked up through the skylights at the stars.  Somewhere out there, I thought, Mother may or may not be living.  I wondered if she even remembered me.  

            The library was mostly vacant, and even the desk girl had quit her job early.  I ambled my way over to the history section in the back, scanning the book spines for any telltale clues.  It was then that I heard the soft gasp behind me.  

            My heart sank, annoyed that I might have to defend myself from yet another's verbal barbs.  Yet when I turned around, I was surprised that the small-framed brunette looked perfectly comfortable looking at me.  "I'm sorry, I thought I was alone in the room," she smiled.  "I hope I didn't frighten you."

            I shook my head, partially taken aback by her friendly attitude.  "FINE."

"My name's Ellone," she informed me.  "What's yours?"

"FUJIN."

I found it odd that she seemed so interested in me, though I had never seen her around the school before.  She asked, "What are you doing in the Library so late on a Friday night?"

I raised the book I had selected mindlessly in explanation, "STUDYING," I barked, hardly meaning to sound quite so harsh.  

            "Oh," raising an eyebrow, she questioned, "What are you studying."

            "HIS…History," I actually had to fight to soften my usual tone.  "Adel."

            "Adel?" at this, she sounded slightly startled, and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.  "Why Adel?"

            "History test." I shrugged, giving the simplest answer I knew.  

            "Adel was a tyrant.  She cared little about her people and was power-hungry."

            I raised an eyebrow, and pulled up a chair next to her, interested in what she had to say.  She went on, "She worked her people mindlessly, caring little for their needs.  Fortunately for the people of Esthar, a great man came along and rescued them.  Adel's body was sealed into an anti-magic capsule created by a scientist by the name of Odine.  The lock was then launched into space, and is being watched carefully by the citizens of Esthar.  Does that help at all?"

            Frankly, I was impressed.  Not only had Ellone been nice to me, but also she had a vast amount of knowledge about something I didn't.  "Yes…Thank…you."  I tried on a smile, but if felt shaky on my lips.   It was an action I didn't practice often.  

            I made a friend that night, staying up late in order to chat with Ellone.  I returned to my dorm only when the Garden Faculty came and asked Ellone and I to leave.  She walked with me most of the way.  

Quistis was already asleep when I quietly slipped into the room, her clothes folded neatly over a desk chair.  I changed quickly and then slipped beneath the thick blankets of my bed before the chilly night air could touch me.  Glancing again out the window, I admired the stars as I remembered my first few nights at Garden.  I had been so uncomfortable with the sinking mattress that I had taken my pillow and curled up on the floor.  It was one of the reasons that Quistis had thought I was weird.  Over time I had grown used to the softness, and now I could hardly imagine what it felt like to lie in the basement of Mother's cold house.  I drifted to sleep on that thought, and when mother came to chase me, Seifer, Raijin, Ellone and I fought her down.  

It was a beautiful dream.  

[End Chapter Ten]

Authoress's note:  I would have probably had this chapter out yesterday, except I was indulging too much in my birthday celebrations!  Sorry!  Also, in the future I will be staying in Japan for a week and a half, and will not have access to update until I get back.  I'm hoping to post another chapter before then, but I'm not sure if I will get around to it!   I'll try!

I'm sorry for the lack of goodness in this chapter.  I sort of struggled with it when I realized that I had separated most of the exciting points of the story into chapter nine when I split that chapter.  Again, thank you everyone who read this and especially thank you to all of those that reviewed, including Chaos, Al Kristopher, Ametenshi, Tikiru, and Platinum Angel for reviewing the last chapter!   


	11. Desert Storm

**Just to Breathe**  
~Fujin's Story~  
  
Chapter Eleven  
**Desert Storm**

"Fire: The sun is well asleep; Moon is high above; Fire grows from the east.  How is this hate so deep, lead us all so blindly killing, killing?  Fools are we!  IF hate's the gate to peace, this is the last stop for raining tears." –DMB; "The Last Stop"

~*~

_Dear Fujin,_

_                        I'm not sure when I'll see you again, but I wanted to be able to wish you a happy fifteenth birthday!  I hope all goes well for you.  Good luck with your history test!  I will be thinking of you._

                        Your friend, Ellone 

            I found the not taped to my dorm when Quistis and I returned from the test.  I only had a minute to treasure the note, and I stuffed it under my pillow when Raijin's obnoxious knocking could be heard on the door.  

            "Come on, Fujin, ya know?  We have to go to Balamb soon, ya know?  It's your birthday, ya know!"

            "It's your birthday?" Quistis arched a perfect eyebrow as she moved to open the door for my bulky friend, who burst through joyously.  

            "Sorry about that, Miz Trepe," he nodded at my roommate as he seized my arm.  "Let's go, ya know!"  I couldn't help but laugh as he dragged me down the hall.

            It was a beautiful day.  We fished, we swam, we sparred, and we picnicked.  As I lay out in the sun with my head on Seifer's boots, we both laughed heartily at Raijin's butterfly chasing techniques ("This is harder than taking down a monster, ya know?").  

            I was sad to see the evening end, for I was unable to remember a happier birthday.  Raijin carried me sleepily back to my dorm at the days' close, and tucked me in with a kiss to the forehead and a whispered "Happy birthday."  When I rolled over, and my hand brushed against the folded note under my pillow, I smiled.  

~*~

            "Tomorrow is," I paused to formulate the words in my mind.  I was getting faster.  "The field exam."  

            Dr. Kadowaki smiled at me from her desk.  Over the years she had not only been my speech therapist, but my mentor well.  She was the one to explain to me that the cause for my difficulty with speech was simply that my Broca's Area was underused, and therefore, much less developed.  She was helping me to take the steps to correct the problem.  "Do you think that you did well on the exam?"

            I nodded, "Hope so."

            "I hope so," she corrected, and I repeated her example.  She scribbled my progress in her notebook.  

            "Do you…" I let my voice trail and she waited for me to collect my thoughts.  I was suddenly unsure of what I wanted to say.

            "Go on."

            "Do you know…Ellone?"

            "Ellone?" her eyebrows peaked, and she hesitated.  "Yes, I know _of_ Ellone."

            "Is she a…a…" I had to think, to focus.  "Is she a student?"

            "No," Dr. Kadowaki was gentle, but firm.  "That will be all for today."

            "But…"

            "I'm sure they've posted the test scores by now," se concluded, "Why don't you go check to see if you've made it?"  It wasn't like her to change the subject suddenly, so I assumed that it must have been important.  

            There was a large crowd of students near the second floor classrooms, but I managed to find first Seifer and then Raijin.  Twenty fifteen-year-olds had taken the test the day before, and our posse was part of that group.  Only the top twelve students, regardless of age, were permitted to take the field exam.  

            Seifer's name was third on the list, having scored 97% of the questions correctly.  Frankly, I was impressed.  A smug smile on his face confirmed his pride.  I placed seventh, with a 90%, and Quistis had tailed me with 88% of the right answers.  The last name on the list was surprisingly Raijin's, and he announced his satisfaction loudly to the crowd.  "I made it, ya know!  I made it and I'm gonna be a SeeD!"  He treated Seifer and I to lunch in Balamb purely out of joy.

            "So, what will you do when you get your first paycheck as a SeeD?"  Seifer asked Raijin conversationally.  "Pay off this bill for lunch?"  We shared a good laugh.

            "I think I'll remodel my staff, ya know?  Then buy me my own fishing kit!  A real nice one, ya know?  What about you?"

            Seifer took a long swig of his drink and smiled.  "I'm gonna take a trip."  He raised his glass, "With my posse of course.  To Deling City or Timber, or some place interesting like that.  I'd like to see Galbadia." 

            "I heard," I spoke up, "That the test…" I visualized the sentence, speaking slowly, "Is being held somewhere in Galbadia."

            "Right you are, dear Fujin," Seifer chimed in.  "I heard Kramer himself conversing with Instructor Black.  Sounded to me like we're headed to a desert prison."  

            "Prison?" I asked.

            "Sounds creepy, ya know?"  Raijin smiled.  

            "It sounds exciting, if you ask me," Seifer sneered.  "It's a real fighter's mission: Not for chicken Wusses, like Dincht or Leonhart."

            "Squall's not old enough, ya know?"

            "Yeah, I know," he snapped, in one of his more cynical moments.  "We've got to prove ourselves to them.  If we don't pass, they'll jump all over us."  

            He didn't need to say it; we all know that it was the truth.  People looked for weaknesses in others, and our posse was a prime group of misfits.  

~*~

            Instructor Black's shadow was long and thin as the sun struck his shoulders from behind.  Quistis and I were the first SeeDs to arrive, and waited impatiently for the others.  It was blisteringly hot, despite the fact that it was early morning.  Soon enough, Raijin, Seifer, and the other seeds arrived, one by one.  It was odd to see all of us (even Seifer) in our Garden uniforms.  We looked professional.  I wondered how many of us would don a SeeD uniform for that night's ball.  

            Black announced the Squads and their leaders.  Oddly enough, I was assigned to Squad C, with Quistis, and Seifer as our leader.  I wondered why they had put three of the five fifteen year olds together.  Raijin was on Squad A, by himself, with two older candidates.  

            After a pep talk from Headmaster Cid, we departed by way of Garden cars to Balamb, where we boarded a train to Galbadia.  Xu was on board to brief us.  Each team would be assigned to a particular tower, which would need to be cleared of monsters.  "A Balamb SeeD team is being held prisoner in one of the top floors," Xu explained.  "Your teams are to support the SeeDs going in to rescue them."

            It was a long trip.  After crossing the ocean and arriving in Dollet, a city that was mythical to me, even as I watched it through the window, we continued on to Timber before the train made it's way to the Galbadian Desert.  A few students fell asleep, including Seifer, who's head rolled lifelessly to the side to rest on my own.  I tapped my boots impatiently on the floor.  Across from me, Quistis examined her flawlessly manicured nails.  

            We got off of the train a ways away from the desert, so that it would be more difficult for the prison guards to spot us as we got off of the train.  There, our parties separated, and as I watched him go, I gave Raijin a good luck salute.  

            "I hope you're not too worried about your hygiene, Trepe," Seifer smirked as he led us around the outskirts of the desert, towards the eastern most tower.  "This is gonna be a messy, sweaty, bloody mission."  Quistis merely rolled her eyes with sufficient irritation.  I followed silently.  

            By the time we had reached the prison, my face was dripping with sweat and my skin was burning.  How Seifer was able to keep trudging along effortlessly in his trench coat, I couldn't figure out.  Even Quistis looked weary of our journey.  It was nearly an hour and a half before we reached the tower, the second group to arrive.  

            We were to wait for a signal from one of the SeeDs, but Seifer was antsy.  "If we just go now, they'll never suspect it," He commented.

            "If we go now, it will give the guards a chance to figure out that the others are coming through the other towers!" Quistis sounded almost whiney, her usually bossy tone wearing thin.  "We must wait for the signal!"

            Seifer shrugged, swishing his gunblade through the air effortlessly.  "Where's the glory in that?  Heroes don't need signals."

            "We're not doing this to be heroes, Seifer," she snapped back, her clenched fists angrily on her hips.  "We're doing this to rescue three innocent SeeDs that are trapped inside!  They might be getting tortured!"

            "It's their own fault, then, for getting caught," I could tell he was getting angry.  "Besides, the sooner we go in there, the sooner we get them out."

            "Fine then," huffy Quistis threw her whip down in the sand.  "You go on ahead, but I'm waiting right here."

            "QUISTIS!" I butted in for the first time.

            "What?!" she snapped back, more heated than I had ever seen her.  "What, Fujin?"

            "If you…disobey squad leader's commands…"

            "You lose points," Seifer picked up.  "I thought you wanted to be a SeeD!  You're a coward."

            He was really starting to get to her, and I couldn't tell if it was the high temperature, her rage, or a mixture of both that was making her normally pale face so red.  "Fine!" she snapped, finally, "Get us all killed!"

            Seifer stalked away, finding the hatch door, yanking it open, and crawling into the prison's lowest floor.  I looked sympathetically at Quistis for a moment.  "SORRY!" I exclaimed, but she chose not to acknowledge me.  I followed Seifer, and, though not without a sigh of irritation, so did Quistis.  

~*~

            The mission was hectic.  Fortunately the other teams had entered the building almost simultaneously with Seifer's decision.  We were to move silently to the top of the tower, where the hostage SeeDs were supposedly being held.  We made it to the tenth floor before the red lights flashed and the metallic announcement was made.

            "A prisoner has escaped, all guards on alert.  Monsters will be released on all floors."  That was our cue to retreat: someone had freed the prisoners before us.  We flew down the flights of stairs like rockets on fire.

            We fought our way through Galbadian soldiers and large, metallic robots.  Quistis balked at the first man she downed, but a thud on the back from Seifer snapped her out of the short trance.  "Let's go!" he yelled.  As we reached the fourth floor, we heard a voice from above.  

            "Seifer!  Fujin!  Come back up ya know!  Emergency!"  Raijin's frantic voice reached us.  Pounding back up the steps as a desperate heartbeat pumps blood, we ran.  At the top of the tower, we found that the guards had somehow screwed each pillar into the ground.  In a leap of faith, each team dove from the towers, and as we hit the sand, we continued to run.

            There were only a few difficult encounters after that, and most were easily taken care of.  Seifer bragged most of the way home.

            But while his confidence was on the right level, only five students were named SeeDs.  Seifer wasn't one of them.

~*~

            Positioned apart from the colorful guests and official SeeDs, I fidgeted nervously with my translucent hands, which had turned a miserable shade of red from the desert sun, and ached terribly.  Despite my fresh, new uniform, I felt awkward, unable to escape my accentuated eye patch and platinum locks.  Raijin was proud and tall beside me, but even he was uneasy.  Seifer was nowhere to be seen.  

            The posse was broken.

            Classical music set a drunken, dreamlike tone to the scene, and one by one students and SeeDs alike were swept into the dance.  Soon, I stood by myself, lonely and itchy in my SeeD uniform.  It wasn't difficult to slip out the back door.  

            I stepped into my dorm, expecting it to be empty, but was surprised to find Quistis inside.  "Why aren't you…at the banquet?" I wondered aloud, pausing when it was necessary to collect my thoughts.

            "I'm packing," she exclaimed, stuffing a bundle of clothes into a bag, "We get single dorms now, Fujin!  We can move in when we're ready."

            Her cheeks were flushed and rosy, and her eyes glittered like the sun strikes the ocean.  "You're really," I scanned my mental dictionary, "excited."

            She nodded, never ceasing in her work.  "I knew I'd make it, I just knew it!  And guess what!" she zipped her duffle bag closed and turned to face me, a wide grin covering most of her face.  "Squall congratulated me!"

            "Squall…Leonhart?" I confirmed, vaguely confused.

            Her smile widened and she clutched my arm.  "Isn't it exciting!"  But she didn't wait for an answer as she grabbed her bag and practically danced out, leaving me to stare open-mouthed after her.  

            After I changed out of the uniform, I slipped into the halls.  Quistis had disappeared, and the rest of the corridor was empty.  My boot steps echoed as I made my way to the library, in hopes of a good novel to indulge in.  

            He looked lonely, his shoulders slumped and his head hanging like a defeated shoulder.  "Seifer?" my voice cracked when I spoke.

            "What are you doing here?" he snapped, "Shouldn't you be celebrating?"

            I opted to say nothing, and seated myself in one of the library's wooden chairs across from him.  "I should've made it," he scoffed.  "Do you know what that bastard Kramer told me?  He said I acted inappropriately."

            "Didn't follow orders," I whispered, timidly.

            "That's bullshit!" his eyes suddenly found mine, and my heart was racing.  "That's bullshit, and you know it, Fujin!  We couldn't just wait around there forever."

            There was a long, uncomfortable silence that hung between us like death.

            "I'm sorry," he finally muttered, so quiet that I could hardly hear him.  "I didn't even congratulate you.  You made it, and Raijin made it.  I should be proud of you guys."  But I could tell that he wasn't.  He was too busy being disappointed with himself.  I let the silence continue, fidgeting with my sunburned hands and watching him closely as he stared lifelessly at the ground.  It seemed like ages before he spoke again.  "Hey, Fuu…" he brought his head sheepishly up so that I could see his watery blue eyes again.  "Have you, you know…" he seemed to be considering what he was about to ask.  "Have you ever fought a T-Rexaur since… since the accident?"

            I held his gaze, my heart stuttering and my stomach fluttering.  "No," I answered, my voice quivering.

            The trademark smirk emerged, and he cocked his head to one side.  "Ready to face your fear?"

~*~

            By the time Seifer escorted me back to my room we were both laughing.  With the fifth Rexaur's blood still staining our hands, we tumbled into my room like rambunctious children.  "Shit, where'd all your stuff go?" Seifer raised his eyebrows.

            I took my first good look at the room, then.  It was empty.  I noticed a piece of paper laying by its lonesome on the night table, and moved to pick it up with my bloody fingertips.

            _Fujin,_

                  It's been great rooming with you.  I moved your stuff into your new dorm as one last favor.  It's at the end of the hall on the left, number 317.  See you around.

                              Quistis 

            "Well," Seifer's voice was back to biting, "The little priss has a heart.  That will probably be the last time you hear from her, better keep that paper."  I rolled my eye, ignoring him, then folded up the paper and slipped it in my pocket.  When I started for the bathroom, he was quick to ask, "Where are you going?"

            I held up my bloody hands, "WASH."

            He chuckled softly, "I think you should leave it on, it's sexy."

            "LIE," I snapped, stepping into the bathroom, but it wasn't the cold water that gave me chills.  Seifer soon joined me, washing his hands, bumping his shoulder against mine.  

            As I started for the door, my hand on the knob, his curious voice once again kissed my ear.  "Where are you going?"

            "NEW DORM," I barked, louder than I had meant.

            "Fujin?" he asked, and I turned to stare at and admire his face.  "Come here."

            The simple command sent another wave of chills over me as I inched closer.  "I _am_ proud of you, you know." He patted my shoulder, reassuringly.  "Don't you doubt it," I could feel his breath on my cheek, and I was shaking.  He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead.  "You're my best friend."

            I wasn't sure if my heart danced or broke in that moment.  

[End Chapter Eleven]

Authoress's note:  I'm sorry that one took me so long to get out.  Japan was great, but then I was rushed into finals and graduation and all of that fun stuff.  So what do you think?  Love it? Hate it?  

Again, special thank you's to everyone who reviewed, especially those who reviewed the last chapter:  Chaotic Angel, Al Kristopher, Lonely-angel, Sorceress Fujin, Ametenshi, Tikiru, and Vick330!  Thank you for officially making this story my fanfic with the most reviews!


	12. Calm Before The Storm

Authoress's Note:  My apologies for the lack of detail in the last chapter.  Not so good with fight scenes.  Also, my many apologies for the typo's.  The format's all out of line, too.  It seems that when I upload to the site, it gets all out of whack…. It wasn't my favorite chapter…  And from here on out, I will be following the game, more or less.

Just to Breathe

~Fujin's Story~

Chapter Twelve Calm Before The Storm "I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand.  When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." –Goo Goo Dolls; "Iris" 

~*~*~

            "Do you have everything?  The tickets, where are the tickets, ya know?"

            "Raijin, calm down, I got them right here."  Seifer fanned three train tickets out in front of his buddy.  After two years of trying, he had just about given up on becoming a SeeD, and Raijin and I had finally saved up enough money for the three of us to take the trip we'd talked about so long ago.  

            Raijin was pacing around the station like a maniac.  "The train should have been here by now, ya know?"

            "CALM," I barked, kicking him in the shin.  It was habit, and the sight of him jumping up and down clutching his leg made me feel powerful, especially when I caught Seifer's nod of approval.

            Over the past two years, my interest in Seifer had intensified to such an extent that I was willing to do anything for him.  There were no more incidences where he pulled me aside to compliment me, and no little signs of affection, but that didn't mean I wasn't dreaming about them, or that I wasn't determined for them to happen one day.  

            The train was like a bullet, and it mused my short hair as it sped by, screeching to a halt just in time to have not passed us.  We loaded quietly, though I think all of us were bursting inside with anticipation.  It would be our first big "vacation," and an inspiration to take many more trips.  Seifer had arranged for us to stay three nights in a hotel in Deling City.  "It's the city with the most night life," he had explained.  

            After a long train ride, and a small amount of trouble finding our hotel, we were finally set to relax.  "These beds aren't big enough, ya know?" Raijin had thrown his body down onto a mattress; he never fit in hotel beds. 

Seifer gazed out the window at the firefly-like lights of the city, "So what do you two want to do?"  I simply watched him, his broad shoulders moving with each gentle breath, his expression placid and bored.  

Raijin suggested, "Let's get something to eat, ya know?"

"Sounds like a plan," Seifer didn't notice my nod.  We followed our leader down the hotel stairs to a restaurant.  It was an elegant place, with round booths that were cushioned with red velvet.  Raijin bounced up and down while Seifer and I sat aloof.  A vacant piano stood in the front of the room, haunted by its lack of pianist. 

As we filled our stomachs with pasta, Seifer turned to Raijin and I with a jaded look on his face.  "This is dull," he commented, "Let's go out for drinks after this.  What do you say, Fuu?"

Nodding, I was tickled not only because he asked for my opinion, but also because he had used his nickname for me.  Seifer left the tip up to Raijin, and charmingly questioned the waitress where a nightclub could be found.  

~*~*~

I wondered at the definition of courage as I stood at the bar, sandwiched between my two best friends, pondering exactly what I could say to Seifer.  I wanted to say something, anything witty that would catch his ear, make him turn and cock his head with that soft, knowing smirk of his.  I wanted him to lean in, whisper something tickling in my ear, wrap his strong arms around my thin waist and sweep me out to the dance floor…

It would never happen.

Turning my head, I caught sight of a pale girl with raven hair as she circled the room, easily swapping smiles with strangers, exchanging a few words here and there when necessary.  It baffled me that social flirtations came so easily to here, when I was struggling to find one word that I could shout to the one I cared most about.  

She took a seat on a bar stole, swinging her long legs around gracefully.  I winced when Seifer noticed her lavender skirt climb seductively up her thigh.  My heart began to beat rapidly.  

"Hey, Fuj… I'm gonna go to the bathroom, ya know?  I'll be right back"

I hardly heard Raijin as he slipped away; my eyes were glued on Seifer.  She turned and smiled at him, that same, innocently sweet look she had given to every other man in the room.  "Hey there," she cocked her head to one side, her eyes squinting as she grinned.

Seifer nodded at her, "How's it going?"

"You're cute," she giggled, "Wanna dance with me?"

My heart was beating so hysterically that I thought it would crack my rib cage.  He cocked his head at her, smiled; the same motions that I had been dreaming about just moments before.  

I didn't watch them dance, and I didn't even notice that Raijin had returned.  I stood motionless at the bar, my eyes drowning in Jack Daniels.  Around me people moved like ghosts, brushing against my shoulder or bumping into me.  It was dumb luck that I turned my head in time to see it happen.

She smiled up at him, her rich, creamy skin glowing in the low lights of the bar.  He bent his head so that their foreheads were less than an in apart.  I could see their shoulders moving as they breathed.  The seconds ticked so slowly as he leaned towards her.  When their lips met, the overworked organ in my chest stuttered and stopped.  

I don't remember how long the kiss lasted, or when the girl walked away, or when Seifer made his way over to me.  The only thing I remembered after that instant was Raijin waving his hand in front of my face mere seconds before I passed out.  

~*~*~

            "That's it Fujin, get it all out of your system," Raijin coaxed me as he held my hair away from my face.  It was one o'clock in the morning and I was throwing up in the hotel's bathroom.  

            "Okay," I sobbed weakly, and then waved a hand.  He offered me a towel, which I buried my face in.  

            "Come on, ya know," he hoisted me up by my shoulders, steadying my frail body against him.  I couldn't remember the last time I felt so weak and drained.  With my arm around his waist, Raijin led me out of the bathroom and positioned me so that I was seated upright in a chair.  

            "Is she going to be alright?  She looks so pale," the voice swam in my cloudy realm of consciousness, too high pitched, too sweet.  

            "Don't worry about Fujin, she's a fighter.  She just had too much to drink." My blurry eyes focused on the form that was Seifer, and the thin body sitting next to him on his bed.  

            She stood up and moved to crouch in front of me.  Her brown eyes were wide and curious.  "Your sure gave us all a fright back there, Fujin.  I'm sorry we couldn't have met under better circumstances."  I groaned, deep in my throat.  This couldn't be happening.

            Closing my eyes, I rested my head on my knees.  I heard the girl get up and move back to Seifer, her footsteps like a ballerina dancing across the floor.  "Come on, Rinoa, I'll walk you home," Seifer's voice wafted somewhere outside of me.

            As the door clicked closed, Raijin once again lifted my body, guiding me tenderly to my bed.  "I'm leaving the window open so you can get some air, ya know?  You're gonna have a hangover tomorrow, ya know?"

            I didn't have the heart to tell him that none of my reactions were due to the alcohol.

~*~*~

            Seifer officially started dating Rinoa Heartilly on the third day of our visit to Deling City.  I kept a stone exterior plastered on my face at all times, but inside I was sobbing and broken.  Sometimes I thought that he might have been desperately in love with Rinoa, but then there were times that I hoped that he might just be toying with her.  She prompted several visits to Deling City and Timber, a smaller Galbadian village under Galbadian rule.  Rinoa was a member of an anti-Galbadian-Army group known as the Forrest Owls, and was forever pestering Seifer, Raijin, and I to join.  

It was this period of time that my relationship with Raijin became increasingly important.  We were like synchronized swimmers.  Sometimes the only communication we required was a look, or a nod.  I still kicked him, if only to get attention from Seifer.  

My "stone-wall" front became stronger at Garden, fueled by the evil eyes of students who feared or hated me.  My one-worded barking sentences intimidated, my eye patch and shuriken instilled fear, and my shin-kicking tendencies sent younger students running.  Our posse gained a new reputation, for wreaking havoc and causing problems.  Cid Kramer sent Raijin and I on less and less SeeD missions, afraid that our resentment for authority would get out of hand and interfere with the mission.  Still, evidence of our loyalty to each other was ever present, and it was rare that one of us could be caught roaming the halls without the other two.

There was a particular incidence involving Zell Dincht that took place in the cafeteria, that nearly got the entire posse suspended from Garden.  It started out normally enough.  Zell came running in late, out of breath and begging for a hot dog.  Seifer snickered and teased him, waving his own lunch in Zell's face.  Dincht was obviously angry, and he gritted his teeth before springing into action.  In a moment he had snatched Seifer's hot dog, thrown it to the ground and stepped on it.  If anyone besides Raijin or myself had caught the baffled look on Seifer's face, they might have been puzzled.  The confusion lasted lest than a second before he raised his pompous chin with fury.  

It was me that snapped.  "RAGE!" I leapt from my seat and punched Zell so hard that my fist stung.  He reeled backwards, his hand clutching his left cheek where my knuckles had connected with it.  For a minute he was stunned before he leapt back onto his feet and swung at me.  I just barely dodged the blow, ducking in the nick of time.  With his staff raised menacingly, Raijin stepped in front of me when Zell rose again, and Seifer drew his gunblade.  

We were just about to bear down on him when Quistis Trepe, whose instructor's license was barely a week old, stepped in and asserted her newly gained power.  "All right, that's enough!"  She glared at each of us in turn, saving the longest and most vicious one for me.  On lookers marveled at one of the first appearances of Instructor Trepe, suddenly noticing her beauty and influence.  She reveled in the glory of the moment.  

As we sat in Headmaster Cid's office, it was made very clear to the three of us that suspension was in the near future if we didn't find way to redirect our energy.  

It was Rinoa that came up with the idea for a Disciplinary Committee.  "That way you'll have a positive way to get in touch with the students," she had explained to Raijin and I, "By enforcing the rules of Garden.  And you won't get in trouble for it."  Of course Seifer had neglected to tell her that we had been looking for trouble in the first place, but he liked her idea, and it seemed like a legitimate way to not only get away with picking on students, but to gain a little of power and recognition.  For some strange reason, Kramer bought the idea, and Balamb Garden's Disciplinary Committee was born.

~*~*~

            "Morning Fujin!" Raijin beamed his pearly white smile at me as his dorm door swung open wide.  I entered the room without returning the salutation, plopping down at the desk and propping my feet on its surface.  

            "SEIFER?"

            Raijin sat on our leader's bed, having chosen a long time ago to continue rooming with his friend, as opposed to claiming his single dorm as a SeeD.  "He went out early to train, ya know?  I think he's a little worked up about the field exam today."  

            He wasn't the only one, I thought.  I hadn't slept at all the night before; my stomach had been full of nervous butterflies, darting around in all directions.  Rinoa had been the one who'd convinced Seifer to go for a third try at the test.  I had faith in his abilities, but his attitude would be a problem.

            Footsteps in the hallway alerted us of our leader's approach, though they sounded drunken and uneven.  He staggered into the room with as little grace as possible, and a wicked smirk shined through the blood that was smeared over his face.  "SEIFER!" I gasped, leaping up in shock.  "HAPPENED?"

            "That bastard, Leonhart," he growled.  "Doesn't know when to quit."  I immediately sprung into action, racing to the bathroom for tissues or washcloths.  "Don't worry, I got him good," Seifer continued as I emerged from the bathroom with my limited medical supplies.  "That wuss passed out in the Training Center right after his little spazz attack on me." 

            Raijin and I exchanged a glance that instructed him to go check on our fallen foe, for safety's sake.  Seifer would get in serious trouble if Squall was attacked while he was knocked out.  "I'm gonna go make sure Squall gets to the infirmary, ya know?" Raijin chirped as he bounded out.

            "CURE?" I wondered aloud, whipping the blood away from Seifer's face.  

            "Nah," he took a washcloth from my hands and pressured it against his forehead.  "I want it to scar."  I raised an eyebrow, then froze when he reached to flip my eye patch up.  "Now we've both been scarred in battle."  Jaw locked, I said nothing when Seifer traced a finger idly down the scar that ran from my left eyebrow to the bone of my cheek.  As he drew his hand away, I noticed that my skin burned where he had touched.  I timidly raised my good eye to look at his, but the intensity of the stare he was offering was too much to bear.

I stood quickly, adjusting the patch so that the scar couldn't be seen.  Fortunately, Raijin saved me as he poked his head back into the room.  "Squall's at the infirmary, everything's cool, ya know?  Let's go to breakfast."

            Seifer stood, whipping the last of the blood away from his face and raising his head high.  "That, my friend, is the best idea I've heard all day."

~*~*~

            "Rinoa's coming to Garden tonight for the SeeD banquet," Seifer mumbled to himself as he shoveled eggs into his mouth.  Raijin lifted his head just long enough to ask why.  "She's asking Kramer for SeeD support in liberating Timber.  I've gotta pass that exam today, I promised Rin that I'd make it so I can help her."  

            Using my fork, I scooted the watery eggs around my plate, mixing them with bits of sausage.  "SEIFER, FINE.  EXAM, PASS.  RULES, FOLLOW."  

            He snorted a quiet laughter before speaking solemnly, "I'll do whatever it takes, Fujin.  Rinoa needs a hero."  As a unit we stood to return our trays to the Cafeteria unit, and as we made our way out of the room I paused at a drink machine.  

            "SEIFER, DRINK?" I asked politely, but he seemed to be lost in thought.  

            Raijin looked lustfully at the vending machine, "…Can I drink somethin'?  I'd like some water, ya know?"

            As he spoke I noticed Squall Leonhart sulking in, his forehead sporting a scar very similar to Seifer's.  "…IGNORE," came my delayed response to Raijin's plea.  After all, he wasn't taking the field exam today; he didn't need me to treat him to a drink.  

            The silent Leonhart ambled up to Seifer and just stared.  "Squall, can't you see the Disciplinary Committee's busy?  Don't bother us." Seifer snapped, then returned to his state of deep thought.

            When Squall turned to me it took every ounce of strength I had not to pounce on him with Shuriken.  "WHAT?" I snapped.

            "Yo, it's Squall." Raijin babbled, "Oh yeah, Fujin's gonna treat, ya know?  Want something?"  I couldn't understand why Raijin was being nice to the bastard.

            "RAGE!" My voice cracked as I shouted.  Raijin looked in my direction with a puzzled expression as he saw me coming, but wasn't quick enough to foresee the steel toe of my boot connecting to his shin.  

            Clutching his leg, he hopped around in pain, moaning.  Then, to my astonishment, he turned to Squall and whispered, "Fujin's kinda harsh at times, so you betta watch it too, ya know?"

            "WHAT?!" I placed my hands defiantly on my hips, enraged that Raijin was conversing with the lion.

            The third member of our posse wisely backed down.  "O-Oh!  I-It's nothin'!"

            Just then, Zell Dincht zoomed into the Cafeteria, panting and heaving with his rush.  "D-Do you have any…hot dogs left?" he huffed to the woman behind the counter.

            She smiled sympathetically at the blonde, "You're a bit late, I'm afraid.  We're all sold out!"

            Turning away, Zell pouted aloud.  "Damn!  Not again…!  It's hopeless if you don't get here early… Alright, I'll try again next time…"

            The woman tried to reassure the boy, "I'll try to order more, but there's no guarantee."

            Confidence regained, Zell ran back out of the cafeteria at top speed, bursting right through the posse and Squall.  We all exchanged a puzzled look, and I could see that even Squall was a little miffed by the episode that we had just witnessed.  It was Seifer that broke the uncomfortable silence.

            "…Speeding.  Let's go arrest that student for violation of academy regulations!"

            It was good to hear him full of zest once again, so I confirmed his order.  "AFFIRMATIVE!"

            "Rodger, ya know!" Raijin gave a mock salute, and then the three of us raced out after our next victim, leaving Squall to stare after us in confusion.

~*~*~

            Our verbal assault on Zell Dincht greatly lifted Seifer's spirits.  "Do you understand?" he snapped, and Zell rolled his eyes.  That was my cue to kick him in the shin as Raijin held him still.  The short, sharp cry of pain tickled me pink.  Seifer repeated, "Understand?"

            "Yes, I understand," Zell grumbled, and Raijin let him go.  As he trotted off to his dorm in order to change for the exam, the posse shared a good laugh.  

We made our way to the entrance of Garden and sat on the steps, where we fell into a relaxed conversation.  "Your ready for the exam, ya know?" Raijin brought back the tension.

Seifer waved a hand, "It'll be a since.  Third times a charm, right?"

"UNIFORM?" I questioned of his clothes.

"Why bother?" he smirked.  "They're optional, and I think they look crappy, anyway."  An uncomfortable silence settled over us as the wind teased our hair.  "Well, I think it's time to head back in."

As we made our way to the lobby, we heard Quistis's voice airily asking for our leader.  "Seifer, are you here?"

"Oh god, not those loons," Seifer groaned, noticing that the other two members waiting in front of Quistis were none other than Squall and Zell.  He squared his shoulders, and the three of us made our presence known.  

Quistis went on, "You're the squad leader.  Good luck to you."

"Instructor," I almost groaned at the cockiness of his voice.  "I hate it when people wish me luck." Raijin and I exchanged a nod as he spoke, "Save those words for a bad student that needs them, eh?"  Raijin and I exchanged another nod, that seemed to say _'Oh no…'_

"Okay then," Quistis smirked at her student, "Good luck, Seifer."

I could see the anger boiling in his head and the smoke steaming out of his ears, and swinging his arm back angrily to motion to me, he growled, "Add Instructor Trepe to the list."  I gulped, though not visibly, because "the list" was one of the Disciplinary Committee's secret weapons… It was a list of "problem-causing" people that was turned into the headmaster himself.  

"Well then," Quistis, who knew nothing about the list, continued as if Seifer had not said anything at all.  "You're all assigned to squad B.  I'll be the instructor in charge.  Teamwork is of utmost importance!"

"Listen up!" Seifer broke in, "Teamwork means staying out of my way.  It's a Squad B rule.  Don't you forget it!"  I noticed Zell roll his eyes, and I felt my face flush with embarrassment for Seifer.  

As Cid Kramer made an appearance, I stopped listening as worries began to plague my mind.  Seifer felt the need to be a hero, and that would be his biggest downfall.  He was so set on impressing Rinoa that he was going to try and shift all of the glory to himself.  I had a gut feeling that he was going to act out of line.  

Again.  

~*~*~

            "Do you think they're almost back yet?" I had tamed my voice as I sat nervously with Raijin in a small café in Balamb.  

            "I don't know, ya know," he sighed, taking a big sip of his cappuccino.  Some of the foam stuck to his upper lip like a mustache.  "They haven't been gone that long, ya know, we just got our drinks.  Try not to worry about them, Fuu, ya know?"

            I sighed deeply.  I wanted nothing more than for Seifer to pass the exam.  Not because I wanted him to be Rinoa's hero, and not so that the three of us could take the mission to liberate Timber, but because I thought that he deserved the honor.  

            "Are you gonna drink that?" I looked up to my friend, and then slid my mug across the table.  He gulped it down greedily before he patted my hand reassuringly.  "I think he'll do fine, don't worry about it, ya know?"

            We walked back towards the port, and arrived just as the ships were pulling up to the dock.  As Seifer climbed out, Raijin and I ran towards the group.  "SEIFER!" I exclaimed.  

            "How'd it go?" Raijin asked.

            "Man…all they did was get in my way," Seifer grinned, "Being a leader ain't easy."

            "SAFE?" I wondered aloud.  Seifer shrugged and offered me his trademark grin.  Raijin granted me an 'I told you so," look as the three of us strolled back to the Garden car.

            Seifer told us the grand tale of the exam with much flourish, but I could tell that he was nervous.  Squall and Zell, he claimed, were so difficult that he was forced to take drastic measures.  I didn't believe the tale, but it was nice to have someone to put the blame on.  

Refusing to wait for results with us, he instead went to the training center to calm his nerves.  As Raijin and I waited in the 2nd floor hallway, we noticed a few of the other candidates nervously standing around.  Zell was pacing back and forth, head down and biting his lips.  The Trabia transfer student that Seifer had told us about was positioned with her back against the wall, tapping the toes of her boots in a schizophrenic rhythm.  Four or five others also waited, each in their own world of tension.  

Squall Leonhart strolled in silently, and looked to his left where I was located.   "RAGE!" I turned away from him, placing one hand anxiously on my hip.  Raijin chirped up from Squall's other side.

"Fujin was sayin' that it'd be all your fault if Seifer doesn't become a SeeD.  She can be pretty scary, ya know!"  It was lucky for him that one of the Garden Faculty members arrived just then, before I could kick his shin to splinters.

"Selphie Tilmitt, please step forward," his deep, quiet voice emerged from the figure.

The brown haired girl leapt up and cheered, "Booyaka!"

"Nida.  Nida from squad A."  A boy I hadn't noticed stepped out of a back corner and made his way towards the elevator.

"Dincht…Zell Dincht."  

"OH YEAH!" the fighter exclaimed, "See ya!"

My stomach fluttered as the man paused.  The suspense was killing me.  "Squall, from Squad B.  Please step forward."  As Leonhart stepped forward, my heart stopped.  "That is all," the Faculty member concluded, "Dismissed."  

Disappointed students exited the hall when they felt that they were ready, but Raijin and I stood motionless, almost in awe that our leader had not passed.  

Seifer had finished in the training center, and rode the elevator up to meet the rest of his posse in the hallway.  "Did I miss results?" he asked, almost timidly.

Raijin scratched his head nervously, and Seifer turned to me.  The look on my face told him all he needed to know.  

[End Chapter Twelve]

**End note:**  Aww, poor Seifer!!  I changed the SeeD announcement to include Selphie and Nida, I hope no one minds.  Did anyone notice the short reference to Julia when the posse was in Deling City?  Anyway, My apologies if the next chapter is a little slower coming out, as I will be playing the game along side writing it, so that I don't miss anything.  =D  Happy Reading, y'all!

Again, thank you to everyone who reviewed, especially those who reviewed the last chapter:  Platinum Angel, Lhiannan-Sidhe, Verdannii de la Rosa, Al Kristopher, Hiko-Sama, Ametenshi, Vasquaz, Vick330 and Team-Senshi.  You guys highlight my day and press me to get the chapters done faster and better (hopefully!)


	13. Blown Away

**Just To Breathe**

~Fujin's Story~

Chapter Thirteen Blown Away "Looking out my window, staring, at the things that I can't see.  If I listen closely, I can hear, I can hear, I can hear a dying dream.  I'm wrapped up in the warmth of an unforgiving mind, I'm on vacation in another time."  --Vast, "Land of Shame" 

~*~*~*~

            The hum of a ceiling fan buzzed in my ears, the only noise battling a deafening quiet.  Resting my burning forehead against the cool metal frame of the door, I reserved a moment to collect my thoughts.  Though nothing was coming to mind, I raised my hand regardless.  The knock split through the silence like a Thundara spell.  "Go away," came the harsh response from within.

            For the first time in my life, I disobeyed an order from Seifer.  The lights in the room were out, yet it was still hot and sticky.  He was seated on a chair facing the corner, like a little boy banished from his toys.  "I thought I told you to go away," he huffed when I seated myself on the floor next to him.

            Every nerve was shaking as I reached a hand up to rest on his knee.  "Friends," I reminded him, my voice unusually calm.  

            He dragged his eyes over to my face.  "I don't get you sometimes, Fuu."  I didn't comment, allowing him to continue, "You still believe in me, even though I'm nothing but a failure.  Why?"

            "Failure, not," I asserted firmly.  I bit my tongue for a moment, forcing myself to search for words and phrases.  "You're too independent to be a SeeD."

            He sighed deeply, "It's always been my dream, to be someone important, like a knight or…a SeeD.  I wanted to be a hero.  A respectable fighter."

            "You don't need to be a SeeD to be a hero," I told him gently.  

            There was silence for a moment as he considered my words, and then he smiled softly.  "You're right," he stood up, offering me a hand.  He spoke confidently as he pulled me up, "I don't need SeeD.  I'm better than that.  I can still help Rinoa."

            "Affirmative," I nodded with a smile.  

            "Speaking of Rinoa," he went on, "She's probably still at the banquet.  I should go introduce her to Cid."

            I patted his back reassuringly.  "Go be her hero."

~*~*~*~

            I hadn't heard the sounds of happiness for a long time, and it was foreign to me as I stepped into the quad.  I watched as Seifer moved towards Rinoa, at the punch bowl, and stood as casually as I could by the wall, searching for Raijin.  Just as I was about to give up, a strong hand grasped my arm to pull me aside.  "Fujin, I gotta talk to you, ya know?"

            I sighed deeply, "Yes?"

            He looked around the room nervously before pulling me out into the hallway.  "It's Rinoa," he groaned.

            "Okay?" I asked, thinking of her resistance faction.  Though she had defeated most of my hopes about Seifer, I had grown to appreciate her over the past year.  

            "Yeah, she's fine," Raijin grew quiet.  "I came up to check and see if she had actually come, ya know?  I was gonna let her know that Seifer probably wouldn't be coming, ya know?"  He scratched his head, nervously.

            "And?" I prompted.

            "I saw her dancing with Squall."

            At first I thought I'd heard wrong, but my stomach hit the floor, regardless.  "Leonhart?"  Raijin nodded solemnly.  I stood emotionlessly for a moment, and then everything raced through me.  How could she do this?  How could she hurt Seifer after so long?  "RAGE!"  The furious cry burst out of my chest like a firework.  A student that had escaped the party and was halfway down the hall turned back to stare at me, before running off in fear.  Acting quickly, Raijin reached out and pulled my numb body towards him, nearly crushing me with his strong arms.  

            "I don't think we should tell Seifer, ya know?"  He used his chin to tuck my head under his.  "He doesn't need anymore disappointments today."

            It was amazing that Raijin could be so calm and intelligent in a situation like this.  I was shaking with rage, even as he held me still, but I nodded, not trusting myself to handle any words.   

For a long moment, we stood together: wind silenced by thunder.  I found that I was fighting tears as I took comfort in Raijin.  Gently, he stroked my hair, and with the other hand rubbed my back, soothing me until my heart rate slowed and I felt calm once again.  "What should we do?"  I sighed, stepping away from my brotherly friend.

"I don't think we should do anything, ya know?" he shrugged.  "At least for now."

I nodded my head as Quistis stepped out of the Quad.  She smiled weakly at us, her eyes filled with tears, and then I remembered:  Seifer had handed over The List to a member of the Garden Faculty in a fit of anger when he'd found out about his failure to pass the field exam.  I opened my mouth to say something, and Raijin reached out to comfort her, but she simply turned away from us and walked away so briskly that I almost felt my hair ruffle in the breeze.  

~*~*~*~

            "What?!" Seifer's voice bellowed through the room like an explosion.  From my position by the door even I could see the pained look on Cid Kramer's face.  "They might end up fighting the entire Galbadian force!" Seifer continued.  We had come to the headmaster's office in order to get permission to help the Rinoa and Timber Owls.  "And they only dispatch _three_ _rookie SeeD members_!?"

            It wasn't that Seifer doubted SeeD's ability to help Rinoa any more than he, Raijin and I could, it was the three whom had been chosen for the mission:  Squall Leonhart, Selphie Tilmitt, and Zell Dincht.  On one side of the room Quistis shifted uncomfortably, and exchanged a worried look with secretary, Xu.  "Dammit!" Seifer pounded a fist on the corner of Cid's desk, shaking the structure and causing a small jar of pencils to topple off of the side.  He growled, "I'm going to Timber." 

            "You can't do that!" Quistis suddenly spoke up.  "By now they have already arrived in Timber and are probably planning exactly how to go about the mission.  You can't interfere with them!"

            I thought I could hear the former instructor's heart rate jump as Seifer stalked over to her, stopping just short enough for their noses not to touch.  "Watch me."  The two blondes stared each other down.  

            Xu pulled Quistis back with little effort, but it took both Raijin and I to wrench Seifer away.  "You'll see, Trepe!" he shouted as we hauled him out of the room.  "I'll show you all!"

~*~*~*~

            Seifer had stormed out of Garden swinging Hyperion around his shoulders and over his head.  He hadn't even waited for Raijin or myself.  I'd never seen him so enraged.  At first I was angry… but later on in the evening, that burning pit of embers that steamed in my stomach transformed into a pool of worry.  What if something went wrong?  What if he was killed? 

            When Headmaster Kramer summoned Raijin and I to his office the next day, I feared the worst.  "He's probably dispatching us to help Seifer, ya know?" Raijin squeezed my shoulder, comfortingly.  I wasn't soothed. 

            As we stood before his desk, rigid with nerves and curiosity, Cid Kramer addressed us as SeeDs.  "I have a mission of utmost importance for the two of you as a pair.  It is a very important mission, and it is of utmost importance that it be complete in a timely fashion." He gave a suspenseful pause, so Raijin and I both nodded, silently egging him on with his orders.  From the top drawer of his desk, the headmaster pulled out a sealed, white envelope; it was evident that his hands were shaking.  "I have, here, a message of utmost importance." I wondered how many times he would use the words 'utmost' and 'importance.'  He continued, "It is your duty to deliver this message to a group of SeeDs located in Timber.  Should you run in to any difficulty at all," he swallowed.  He wiped his sweaty brow with a handkerchief, and I could tell that there was something else on his mind, "Just remember Garden Code Article 8:7.  Is everything clear?"  We nodded solidly.  "Good," he smiled weakly, standing, and crossing to me with the envelope.  "Fujin, you will be the Squad Leader," I took the white, paper sheath and secured it in my back pocket.  "Raijin," he turned to my friend, "Support Fujin to your fullest.  I wish the best of luck to the both of you."  We saluted him, but as we turned our backs, he called out.  "Remember, this mission is of utmost importance."  

            I rolled my eyes as I yanked open the office door, and continued out.  "I told you we were going to help Seifer, ya know?"  Raijin beamed as the elevator descended to the first floor.  

            I hoped he was right.

~*~*~*~

            I had guessed there was a reason that Kramer had brought up the Garden Code.  We found out almost immediately when why almost immediately, when we arrived at the Balamb train station: All trains to Timber were down.  Still, we boarded the train in order to get to the Garden closest to Timber: Galbadia.  We were able to find a rather lengthy train route to the Far East Train Station, which was only a brief journey through dry terrain away from Galbadia Garden, itself.    

            Upon our arrival, we had to bully a student into directing us to their Headmaster, Martine.  "Who are you, anyway?" he complained when we asked for his assistance.

            "None of your business, ya know?" Raijin crossed his arms over his chest.

            "SEEDs," I snapped.

            He frowned, his annoyingly bushy brow furrowing.  "Gosh, you sure don't look like SeeDs."

            I took two large steps towards him, my nose nearly touching his.  "MARTINE!" I barked, "WHERE?!"  My patience was running out, and fast.  

            "Yeah!" Raijin reinforced, inching closer, "Tell us where he is, ya know!"

            The smaller boy stepped away, sticking his nose snootily into the air.  "I don't have to tell you anything, if I don't want to."  It was the only button he needed to push in order for Raijin and I to both bare our weapons.  "Okay, okay," he gave in, eyeing the large staff that Raijin boasted.  "Sheesh, all you had to do was ask nicely."  

            By the time we'd reached Martine, I wasn't in a very good mood.  He opened the letter, even though Raijin had told him that it was to be given to the SeeD party from Balamb.  "I understand your instructions," he waved a hand dismissively as he read the message.  "You can go back to your Garden, now."  I couldn't believe my ears.

            "WHAT?!"

            "Don't they need our assistance, ya know? I thought that was why Headmaster Cid sent us…"

            Martine eyed us with a look of boredom on his face.  "I don't believe you'll be of much use to any of them."  If Raijin hadn't been quick to grab my shoulder, I would have pounced on the haughty bastard with Shuriken, or even just my nails and teeth.

            I was shaking as we exited the office.  Raijin took long strides in front of me.  "We gotta find Seifer, ya know?"  The thought of our friend was the only thing that calmed my nerves.  I was rubbing my temples when I heard Raijin call out, "Yo!  Squall!"  I looked up to see him standing over the balcony.  He retreated and quickly grabbed my hand.  "Squall's down there, ya know?"

            "What are you doing here?"  Squally actually seemed curious when we approached him.

            Raijin put his hands on his hips, almost proudly.  "What am I doin'?  I'm a messenger, ya know?" he looked to me, and I nodded, allowing him to speak for me.  My nerves weren't quite ready, just then.  "Brought you a new order from Headmaster Cid, ya know?"  We nodded again.

            "What kind of order?" Squall wondered aloud.  Already the jaded expression was beginning to creep back into his eyes.  

            Raijin waved his hand as he leaned towards the younger cadet.  "I dunno.  Gave it to the head honcho here.  Just did what Headmaster Cid wanted, ya know?"  He looked to me for guidance, and I nodded.

            "EXPLAIN."

            "We were suppose'ta go to Timber," he continued, "But the trains have stopped, so we had no other choice but to come here.  Kinda relieved to see you guys here." I nodded with him, sharing the opinion.

            Suddenly, a thought occurred to me.  Where was the rest of Squall's party?  "SEIFER?"

            "Oh yeah!" Raijin jumped in, "Wasn't Seifer with you?"

            The vacant expression on Squall's face was what killed me.  "I believe Seifer may be dead…"  My heart rate exploded in my chest, and I had to put my hand across it to keep it from bursting through flesh and bone.  He continued, "I heard he was tried in Galbadia and then executed…"

            Something about his story made me blink with question, and then it donned on me.  "LIES!" I swiped my hand violently as if it could shout, as well.

            "Bwahahahahaha!" Raijin's hearty laughter had a tweak of nervousness in it, although he knew our friend just as well as I did.  "That's gotta be a lie, ya know?!"  He waved his hand, and I turned to him for an explanation.  "There's no way he'd put up with a trial, ya know?  Or an execution for that matter!  It's just so not Seifer, ya know?"

            I was suddenly determined, "FIND!"

            "O'what…!"  Raijin looked curiously, and my expression told him what needed to be done.  "We're gonna meet up with Seifer?" he interpreted for Squall  "Well, see ya Squall.  We're gonna head off to Galbadia to look for Seifer."  I was amazed how well my friend could read my expressions.

~*~*~*~

            It had seemed only logical that Seifer would be in Deling City, but then, we hadn't known that Rinoa would still be with the other SeeD party.  After some convincing, we managed to get into the Caraway residence, but the General had no answers for us.  "Rinoa informed me that she was going to Balamb for that banquet a few days ago, and that she had 'something to take care of.'  I haven't seen her since," he sighed with frustration.  "Or Seifer, for that matter."  It was disappointing news.  Finding Seifer now would be like looking for a needle in a haystack.  

            As we left the mansion, a small, yet brightly colored, banner caught my eye.  When I picked it up, Raijin asked curiously, "What's that, ya know?"

            I shrugged, handing the banner over to him.  It wasn't all that interesting.  "Looks like they're having a parade, ya know?" he commented.  "Hey, Fujin, we might as well stay and watch it.  Make the most of our time away from Garden, ya know?"  With a sigh, I agreed.  I was still a little worked up about our missing friend.

            But that night, during the parade, my questions were put to rest.  As soon as the ambassador's float pulled out of the Presidential Palace, I knew where our leader had gone.  "Look, it's Seifer, ya know!"  Raijin was pleased to see our leader perched atop the float, Hyperion held above his head like a trophy.  

            I, however, did not feel the same.  Why hadn't he come back for us?  Why was he on his own?  _'It's always been my dream, to be someone important,'_ Seifer's voice echoed in my mind.  Is this what you've always wanted Seifer?  What about your friends?

            Raijin was cheering gleefully, trying to get Seifer's attention, but he hardly looked our way.  Something was off, I could tell by the cold, cynical look in his eyes.  Reaching my pale hand out, I tugged on Raijin's vest.  He peered curiously at me.  "HOME," I called out, and he looked miffed.  "Let's…go home."

            For a moment we simply shared a gaze, and Raijin's puppy eyes searched mine for some explanation, but I could offer him none.  Offering me a sympathetic smile, he took my hand and squeezed it just enough to get my blood moving again.  "He'll come back, Fujin, don't worry."  The warm smile that my greatest friend offered me was more than enough to keep me going.  With my hand still in his, I allowed him to lead me away from the crowd as Seifer's float rounded a corner.  

~*~*~*~

That night, as Raijin slept in the bottom bunk of the SeeD cabin, I paced nervously around the car.  An uneasy feeling had settled in my stomach; something wasn't right.  Stepping out onto the platform, I watched as the world slipped by as a blur.  

_Where are you Seifer?  What mischief are you causing?  Why did you choose to go on without us?  _A fiery burn in my chest told me that he needed us, in some way shape or form.  Our posse was broken.  We needed to stick together: we needed each other to survive.  

The click of a door behind me signaled that Raijin had woken up.  "Whatcha doin' out here, Fujin?"

I sighed, my eye following the yellow, harvest moon.  "Thinking."

He came to stand beside me, resting his elbows on the railing as I was.  "Don't worry, Fuu, he's okay.  When the time comes for us to go to him, we will go.  He needs to figure out what's going on, himself, first, so that he can tell us what to do."  

Sometimes, I thought, I didn't give Raijin enough credit.  With a small smile, I pressed my cheek against his upper arm (his shoulder was much too high), and moved closer when he put his arm around my waist.  

We stood silently, this way, as the moon journeyed through the sky and kisses of pink appeared on the horizon.  By then, Balamb was on the horizon, and I didn't notice until then that neither of us had slept.  When the train halted in the station, Raijin flashed a playful smile that was my only warning before he swept me up onto his shoulders.  He laughed as he bounded through Balamb and back to Garden, with my complaints ringing in his ears.  "RAIJIN!  RAIJIN, STOP!"

I, myself, couldn't keep from smiling.  

[End Chapter Thirteen]

End Notes:  

Well, what did you think?  Saifuu versus Raifuu, what IS it?! It's Fujin's life!  Tee hee!

Sorry it took me so long to update!  I was away for a full week, and I've been slammed with work lately (friggin' K mart!).  Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chapter.  I had a lot of info to work with, but I tried to throw in some of my original style, as well.  I'm trying!  

Props to Team Senshi for sending me the Final Fantasy VIII script to aid me as I write!  

And as usual: Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers.  Shout out to those who reviewed the last chapter:  Chaotic Angel, Ametenshi, Lhiannan-Sidhe, Verdannii de la Rosa, Volk Zyta, Fujin, Amanda, Sorceress Fujin, Miyamashi, Vick330, DarkAngel, Vasquaz, and ribbetfrog!  Your comments mean everything for me!

And to anyone else who plans on reviewing: leave your e-mail so I can get in touch with you.

Many millions of thanks, always.  ~Shino Kouen, "Authoress"~


	14. Wind Storm

**Note: **It's been nearly three years since I've updated this story, and though I've picked it up time and again, I always put it down. It is my hope, now, that I can really finish it, as it is on my mind often and is a great joy to me. If you made it this far, please review. It will be a great honor to me to know that someone, anyone, has bothered reading it again.Andrea

**Just to Breathe**

Fujin's Story

Chapter Fourteen

**Wind Storm**

_"It's a comedy of errors, you see, it's about taking a fall. To vanish into oblivion is easy to do, and I try to be, but you know me, I come back when you want me to." –Elliot Smith; "Miss Misery"_

Sunlight filtered through the clouds and shimmered on the smooth, velvety purple petals of an African violet. It was funny how something so delicate, so fragile, so beautiful, could survive in the middle of a field laden with green, constantly traipsed on by creatures. For a moment I admired it's strength.

I stomped on it out of sheer principle.

"Hey, why'd ya do that, ya know?" my friend's voice rang in my ears, and I turned to look at him, shrugging my shoulders innocently. He bent to pick up a dandelion, blowing its seeds into the breeze, like little snowflakes. The wind picked up, carrying the little parachutes off in different directions. Nature was like that. "Fly away, little buddies!" Raijin laughed as they scattered.

Two days. Two long, unbearable days had passed, and still, nothing. Even in such a short amount of time, Raijin and I had made it a habit to constantly pester other SeeDs for news. What had happened in Deling City that night? When we finally confronted the Headmaster, his answer was frank: a failed attempt to assassinate the sorceress; the same sorceress that Seifer had stood next to during the parade.

As we entered the gates of the Garden, a strange sense of unrest settled over me. More students were roaming the halls as usual, and an excited chatter echoed like a rainstorm. One SeeD in particular seemed to be doing a lot of talking, or questioning, rather, and when she turned to us, we waited patiently for an explanation.

"Raijin, Fujin," Xu addressed us. "Your presence is requested immediately in the Headmasters office. If you come across any other SeeDs on the way up, give them the same message. It's urgent."

Raijin looked at me quizzically before turning back to the Garden secretary. "What's the deal, ya know?"

"I don't have time to explain," she brushed dark locks out of her eyes, "Just go, please!" We obeyed without further questioning, though our minds were not at ease. For what purpose would a congregation of all SeeDs serve?

Most of the SeeDs in Kramer's office were adorned with their official uniforms, but others, like Raijin and myself, sported a less rigid look. After a brief wait, Xu and the headmaster himself entered the room. As a thick silence overcame us, and the dark haired secretary met several of the curious gazes of her comrades. "I'm sure you're all wondering why you've been asked to gather here," she announced. "Indeed, I would wonder, as well. Many of you have heard about a recent mission to Deling City that fell through. Four of Balamb Garden's SeeDs, as well as one SeeD candidate from Galbadia Garden, were involved in this failed mission. They are currently being held as prisoners at the D-District prison, in the Galbadian desert. There is a rumor that a client from a recent mission is with them. There are also rumors," she offered a gingerly sympathetic glance towards Raijin and myself, "That one of our fellow students is working closely with the sorceress."

A harmony of gasps and then a wave of whispers swept over the throng of SeeDs. At the head of the group, Xu closed her eyes and stepped back, making room for the Headmaster. He held up his hands, as if he could offer us peace of mind. "SeeDs," his old man's voice bellowed, "The true battle has not yet come! We need to stick together in this time of troubles, or else we will fail." He lowered his arms, taking a moment to meet the eyes of select students. "It has been said that the sorceress has taken offense to the recent mission, and is currently hunting for SeeDs, BUT," he asserted firmly, before panic could wrap its fine fingers around any necks, "If we stick together, there shall be no need for worry. Now, it is unclear whether or not…"

The sound of the door hissing open interrupted the Headmaster's speech. Two members of the Garden Faculty seemed to float in. "Cid Kramer," one of them spoke. "Your time has come. Please come with us silently, and no harm will come to you or your followers."

Brief, confused looks jumped between the SeeDs, but it was Xu who set the prime example. "The Headmaster won't go anywhere with you!" she stepped forward with indignation.

"Young lady, we don't have time for this," the second faculty member stepped forward. "The Garden belongs to NORG! The true Garden Master's time has come!"

As if on cue, nearly every SeeD in the room drew a weapon. "Go back to NORG and tell him we're not interested in handing over Cid!"

The faculty took a few steps backwards. "You'll regret this. Your true allegiance belongs to NORG!" And then they were gone.

As men and women alike put away his or her weapons, Xu climbed on a chair and shouted, "Listen up, everyone! We can't fall apart, now! This Garden needs us! Cid needs us! The Garden Faculty has probably brainwashed some of the students already, they will be ready to fight you! Let's try to keep the violence to a minimum! Here's the plan…"

We sat on the steps to the elevator like lost sheep, watching as all around us former comrades fought. "We couldn't keep up with them if we tried, ya know?" Raijin mused. For the first few hours, the two remaining remembers of the Disciplinary Committee had tried to break up most of the fights. Now, as even as we watched, students everywhere were dropping everything to defend either the Headmaster or the Garden Master.

I sighed deeply. It was disappointing, really. After years of getting the students to respect our rules, suddenly all of our authority was being disobeyed.

"Fujin! Raijin! Why don't you help us out?" a mousy haired boy yelled up to us, "You're SeeDs, aren't you? Why aren't you defending the Headmaster?"

I sighed once again, as if I could push all of my thoughts out through my lungs. Raijin called down to him. "We're staying neutral, ya know? It's our rule. We're with Seifer."

The boy offered somewhat of a snarl, if it could even be considered that, and turned his back. Another kid, with darker hair, consoled him. "Come on, Nida, we don't need _their_ help."

It made me roll my eye. They acted like we were the ones out of line. Really now! Where Raijin and I the ones starting fights all over garden? "Just when I thought we could enjoy some peace and quiet, ya know?" my friend commented.

As Nida and the other boy ran off in another direction, I spotted three vaguely familiar faces coming towards us. "LOOK!" I nodded, and Raijin followed my gaze.

We stood in unison, "Hey, you're back!" my friend cried out. I could see him thinking about Xu's earlier announcement about the D-District prison. I, myself, was wondering where the other three members of their party were.

"What's going on here?" Squall Leonhart looked around at the confusion of the Garden, more miffed than truly confused. To his right Instructor Trepe crossed her arms over her stomach, and beside her Rinoa sheepishly avoided our gaze.

"I dunno." Raijin began, "At first, they were sayin' somethin' 'bout roundin' up the SeeDs, ya know? Now everyone's either sidin' with the Garden Master or the Headmaster and fightin' everywhere, ya know?"

"DISTURBING," I put in.

Raijin shook his head, "Disappointin' for the disciplinary committee. All our work for nothin' ya know?"

"Why are SeeDs being targeted?" he questioned, "And where's the headmaster? Is he safe?"

"We got no clue," Raijin tried to be frank. Of course, we knew that Cid was safely hidden in his office, but we had been directly ordered by Xu not to give that information to _anyone._

Squall looked perplexed, "We need to see him right away. It's important. Galbadian missiles may be heading this way!" Rinoa visibly winced, and a slight shudder skittered along Quistis's spine, while Squall simply remained emotionless.

"WHAT? We gotta get outta here!" I'd never heard him sound so pitiful, so I turned and quickly kicked my friend. "OOOUUCH! Geez, alright!" He read my face for a quick plan, "We'll warn everyone about the missiles! Man, this is not a good time to be fightin', ya know?"

"We'll go look for the headmaster," Squall decided.

"CAUTION!" I warned, feeling slightly guilty about not revealing his location.

"Yeah, the fightin' is intense everywhere! And watch out for those Garden Master goons, ya know!" Raijin backed up my call of worry.

"And you two?" Quistis spoke up for the first time.

"Hey, jus' like Fujin said, ya know? We're with Seifer. Always have, always will."

I turned to look up at the elevator, hoping that Squall or one of his comrades would get the hint that the Headmaster was tucked safely in his office, but he simply started to run towards the Infirmary. Quistis provided us with a brief nod before following, and Rinoa offered what looked to be an apologetic stare.

"We gotta evacuate the students, ya know?" Raijin's voice sounded worried. "Maybe the junior classmen?"

I nodded; it was a good plan. We ran off in the opposite direction of Squall's party, where we knew a group of students was hidden in the Library.

It wasn't that we didn't get the message across to the junior classmen; it was just that we succeeded only in terrifying them more. When Raijin raced into the Library waving his arms and yelling, "There're bombs aimed at Balamb Garden! Everyone evacuate! We're all gonna die, ya know?" a sort of mass panic arose. I put one pale hand to my forehead in frustration, which was burning with fever, and rolled my eye.

I tried to calm everyone down, "SILENCE!" But mine was hardly better than Raijin's efforts. For a split second, about fifteen pairs of young eyes stared up at me, followed by high-pitched screams and panic. Sighing, I turned helplessly to Raijin. This was going nowhere.

It was just our luck that Xu showed up, then. In her usual professional, yet consoling, tone, she comforted the junior students, somehow convincing them to follow us. Only about ten were willing, the others refused to leave older brothers and sisters or swearing their allegiance and pledging to go down with the Garden (there was only one boy that swore the latter, who, with his blonde hair and bright eyes, reminded me vaguely of Seifer).

Xu, Raijin, the junior classmen, and I briefly wandered the school looking for other junior classmen. Only five more joined our evacuation squad. "Take them to Balamb," Xu informed us, "Most of them have parents there."

My heart raced as we lead them out of the Garden. We were forced to stay on the road, as many of them did not have weapons. It would have been nearly impossible for only Raijin and myself to protect all fifteen children. We were only halfway to Balamb when a high-pitched whistle alerted us that Squall's warning had been true. "DUCK!" I screamed as Raijin yelled, "Get down!" The students dived and covered their heads, and Raijin and I did our best to shield them.

As the missiles soared towards our beloved Garden, I stared in awe as the great structure began to lift. Barely managing to escape, it soared over Balamb and settled in the sea. I watched this, my mouth agape, but then was thrown forward by the force of the bombs. Several of the children screamed, and the smallest girl grabbed on to my arm.

"Miss Fujin, what do we _do_? The Garden's sailing away without us!"

I looked at Raijin, dumbfounded. What _should_ we do, now that the Garden was floating away? "BALAMB," I started, then, looking down at the girl's terrified eyes, I controlled my voice, "We'll take you to Balamb… to be with your parents, until the Garden comes back."

As we walked towards the port town, the smallest girl still clinging to my arm, Garden floated further and further away until it was only a black spec on the horizon. I had the vaguest feeling that they had no control over which way the Garden sailed.

Most of the children were gladly accepted back to their homes when their parents learned the truth about Garden. Only the young girl who had earlier clung to me was without a home. She looked tearfully up at me, "Where will I go?"

Raijin and I exchanged a quick conversation with our eyes. We had already decided what road _we_ would take, but what of this young thing?

"Miss Fujin, may I please come with you?" her jewelry-box voice rung in my ears.

I sighed deeply, flashing Raijin a troubled look. He stooped so that he was level with the child (quite an accomplishment for someone of his height and bulk). "Tell you what," he smiled at her, that pearly white smile he had first shared with me. "Why don't you tell me your name and were you're from, and we'll see about you taking you on our adventure."

I bit my lip, not wanting this girl to stick around. What would we do with her when we found Seifer? But she looked up at Raijin, her eyes full of hope. "Really, Mr. Raijin?"

"Yes, really."

"My name's Satori," she smiled at Raijin, one of her bottom teeth missing. "I came from an orphanage on the sea."

An orphanage on the sea? I'd never heard of such a thing! But Raijin swept our newest companion off of her feet and hoisted her onto his shoulders as she giggled. "Well, Satori, we'll take you as far as Galbadia. We're trying to find a friend of ours, too."

Satori was ecstatic to be the only junior student privileged to ride in an official SeeD train cabin, though a few minutes into the ride she was fast asleep in Raijin's lap. I paced about the cabin, my mind racing. Seifer would not put up with a child, even if Raijin seemed infatuated with how cute she was. And if Seifer was working for the sorceress… would he even want to see Raijin and me?

We spent the night in Timber, now that the trains were fully functioning again. The town seemed to be full of stray cats, which made Satori ecstatic, and Raijin, too ("Kittens, ya know?"). Over supper Satori wanted to know all about what it was like to be a SeeD. "Is it scary, Mr. Raijin?" she would ask, her bright eyes glittering, or "Do you get to travel, Miss Fujin?" Raijin would tell her long anecdotes. I would shake my head yes or no, though by the end of the night she'd grown on me.

Raijin and Satori sat up playing Triple Triad (Raijin let the eight-year-old win) until Satori could barely keep her eyes open, and then Raijin tucked her safely under her blankets before joining me on the balcony. "GOODNIGHT," I had called in to her.

"THANKS," she had shouted back, "MISS FUJIN."

Raijin and I looked down over the street, where Timber guards in their blue uniforms marched along the edge of town. So far, Timber had managed to keep Galbadia out. Word had spread quickly that Galbadia was under the rule of the sorceress. "SEIFER?" I asked Raijin. I knew that he would know what I meant.

"I can't help it, ya know?" Raijin let one of his large hands rest on my shoulder. "She's got such innocent eyes, ya know? She needs someone to look up to. Seifer could be her hero, ya know? Maybe he'll like her."

"DOUBTFUL," I informed.

"Yeah, yeah," Raijin shook his head, slowly. "But we can always try," he gave my shoulder a pat, "Ya know?" Looking up at him, I rolled my one eye with a smirk. We were really alone now, apart from Garden. If we didn't find Seifer, we would be lost. Raijin and I could take care of ourselves, but Seifer gave us a purpose. And I just needed to see his face.

Lieutenant Biggs was cheeky when we asked for Seifer. "He has forbidden visitors," the bulky man grunted at us. Immediately I thought that there was no way Seifer would ban us. Raijin looked defeated, like a kicked puppy. I stomped up to the red-clad soldier.

"LISTEN," I barked, leaning towards him, though he leered at least six inches over me. "TELL," I paused, cleared my throat. "Tell him that his posse –Fujin and Raijin—have arrived to assist him in any way possible."

Biggs glared at us for a moment longer before disappearing behind a door. We were at Galbadia Garden again, and the rumor was that Martine had been killed, though I wasn't sure I believed it. Satori was cowering behind Raijin, her tiny hands wrapped around his fingers.

It was fifteen minutes before Seifer himself came out. He eyed us for a long moment before his trademark smirk graced his lips. "Well, well, well," he cocked his head to one side. "Was starting to think you weren't coming after all."

Raijin puffed up proudly, "We knew you weren't dead," he gloated, "That Squall doesn't know his was out of a paper bag to believe that kind of lie." It was then that Seifer noticed Satori.

"What's that?" he nodded curtly in her direction. Raijin and I exchanged a glance.

"That's Satori, ya know?" Raijin put his hand behind the young girl's back, pushing her towards Seifer. "Satori, this is Seifer."

"Hi Mr. Seifer!" Satori smiled up at our friend.

Seifer did not smile back. Instead, he jerked his head at the girl, signaling to Wedge, who was behind him. "Get rid of it," he snapped. Wedge stepped forward and took the little girl's hand. As he lead her away, she looked back over her shoulder, her eyes fearful, but trusting. Raijin gave her a reassuring nod, certain we'd be reunited later.

We never saw or heard from Satori again.

End Chapter Fourteen


	15. Beyond Good and Evil

**Just to Breathe**

Fujin's Story

Chapter Fifteen

**Beyond Good and Evil**

"_I used to see something in the idea, but only once did my hands reach anything beautiful.." --Remy Zero, "Gramarye"_

Seifer brought us to Sorceress Edea two days after our arrival at Galbadia Garden. In the meantime, we'd gotten accustomed to the school. Raijin spent long hours at the ice skating rink. "It's just not Balamb, ya know?" he would say to me. But the real kicker was that, even though we had finally found him, Seifer spent most of his time away from us.

"I'm the Sorceress's Knight," he explained as we waited for her to join us in Martine's former office. "She needs me to be available whenever she desires." Raijin and I exchanged a hollow look that relayed our feelings of betrayal.

When Edea slithered into the room, there was a spark in the air. She looked over Raijin and I coldly, but I felt strangely soothed. "Very well," she hissed in her deep voice to Seifer. "They may remain."

Seifer did most of the talking as Edea sat motionless in her chair. Her eyes were always dancing, searching some unknown universe. She watched Seifer sometimes with great interest, sometimes with boredom. Edea needed to find a girl named Ellone. Raijin had piped up when Seifer mentioned this ("Why, ya know?") but Edea quickly moved her hand, effectively silencing him not with her actions, but with magic. I, too, felt restless at the mention of Ellone. I felt as if I should know this person, she must be important. Perhaps I had learned about her at school… but try as I might, I could not recall any detail of information about her at all.

Edea left us shortly after Seifer finished his explanation of our new purpose in life. Though I had found Seifer's words intriguing, I felt exhausted and some how less eager once the sorceress was gone. Seifer was proud of himself for being a Knight. He stood with his back against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, and his chin held high.

"What does that make us, ya know?" Raijin asked. I could tell he was waiting for the Seifer we knew so well to answer… but Seifer was different now. He had changed.

He stood aloof, shrugged slightly, and looked away from us. "I guess since I'm commander in chief of Edea's army, I could give you a ranking position," It should've come easily to him. Instead it was as if he wanted to make us squirm in our seats. Raijin did. I didn't.

"Fujin," he turned his jade eyes to me, and I straightened a little. It had been a long time since he had used my name so formally. "You are the commander. You will be in charge of a small fleet of soldier's scouring whatever towns or villages you find in order to locate Ellone. If anyone finds any information, they are to report to you, and then you will report to me."

I nodded, but said nothing, not even my usual 'affirmative.' For the first time I could remember, awkwardness hung over our posse like a cloud. "What about me, ya know?" Raijin asked again.

Seifer shrugged and looked at our friend, a wry smile on his face. "I suppose you can be the Captain." Seifer should have had a lighter tone, a sparkle to his eyes as he joked with Raijin… but there was nothing but a regal pride as he spoke. "Your job is to protect Fujin, and assist in the search for Ellone. And if you see any of those flunkies from Balamb, take them out."

Physically, Raijin was unchanged, but in his eyes I could see disappointment. I wanted to kick him, to tell him to snap out of it, but I gave him his moment of shame. Raijin would be serving under me. We had never been anything but equals in the past.

* * *

Watching Seifer over the next few days made me irritated. His attitude, the way he talked, and even his poise got under my skin. He was attentive and obedient of the sorceress, a respect he had never paid to me. How was it, that after years and years of my loyal friendship, that he could treat me so poorly? I thought endlessly, trying to come up with an answer. Seifer wasn't prodding her, like he did to me. He wasn't even wooing her, like he had Rinoa. No, Seifer was worshiping her, and it was driving me to madness.

Though I didn't mean to, I often took out my frustrations on Raijin. I was filled with a fierce desire to impress Seifer, thinking that if perhaps I was as good to him as he was to Edea, that he would notice me. He never did. I became irritated, driven, and cold. I kicked Raijin not out of sisterly care, but out of anger. His normally cheerful manner became dulled by my anger and frustration.

We searched a small town called Winhill shortly after our arrival, having learned that it was Ellone's place of birth. The townspeople were less than receptive of our presence, so it wasn't a simple visit. Raijin came up with an idea to offer a reward for any information about the girl. We figured that the town must be full of it, and people were naturally greedy.

The result was surprising, but not entirely unexpected. The first woman we asked was the owner of a flower shop. "We're here for information about Ellone!" Raijin chirped; he was all business for once, trying to please me.

The woman scowled at us. "Get out of my store!" she growled. "Haven't you already done enough? That blasted Loire got Raine killed and all for what?" At this time, we had no idea what she was talking about, and with considerable rage she forced us out of her store.

Throughout the town, residents reacted badly to the mention of Ellone, and none were willing to depart any information about her whereabouts, or even anything about her past. I was able to determine that Raine, who came up often, must be Ellone's mother. We found her tombstone on top of a hill covered by flowers. _Loving wife, loving mother, for far too short a time. What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil._

The lack of cooperation we faced in Winhill enraged me. I did not want to leave empty handed; Seifer would be disappointed. Finally, at the hotel, I instructed Raijin to handle an angry man by force.

"ELLONE, WHERE?" I shouted into his face as Raijin pinned his arms behind him. Shuriken was in my hand, and I pressed one of the tips into his cheek until a ruby droplet of blood formed. The man spit at me.

I cut his throat.

* * *

Raijin buried the body of the Winhill man on a hill not so far from Raine's gravesite. He made a small cross from sticks and said a few words of apology. I stayed away, making my way back to the Garden, which had the ability to navigate much like Balamb's newfound flying ability. Disturbed and shaken by my instinctive actions, I emptied my stomach for a full hour. Seifer scoffed at me from the bathroom doorway.

"You're still green," was all he could say to comfort me. "It had to be done."

Raijin kept his distance for about a week, and I desperately missed him. Being without Seifer was hard, but without Raijin, too, I could barely function. When he finally knocked timidly at my door, I apologized to him lavishly. We went for a walk, and he stood with me on the second floor balcony, overlooking the place where we'd intersected the SeeD party not so long ago.

"Everything's different now, ya know?" Raijin said. I nodded shortly. "I know you didn't want to do that, Fuu, ya know? I know it was a mistake."

"Guilty," I told him, a hitch to my voice. "Hurts."

Raijin put his bulky arm around my shoulder. "We'll get through it," he said. "We'll forget. We have to, ya know?" He was right. I knew I could not go on with the guilt of the man's death for much longer.

I turned my attention instead to our mission. I felt suspicious of smaller harbor towns, which might remind Ellone of Winhill. Seifer seemed to think this was a good idea, so he chose Fisherman's Horizon as our next destination.

"If they don't cooperate this time," Seifer instructed, "Torch the place."

Raijin and I had exchanged a paled look. We had killed for SeeD missions before, but we'd never gone after innocent people for revenge.

To deal with the uncertain feelings, Raijin and I conspired to send a small troop of G-Soldiers to the down without us, figuring that the job was simple. It was a big mistake. The soldiers fumbled and, apparently, came across three SeeDs from Balamb Garden, who forced them to retreat. No information about Ellone was gained, and FH was not torched.

Seifer was less than pleased. We stood before him silently as he expressed his disappointment in us. "I trusted you with one simple thing, and you botched it up," he barked. "Edea will not be pleased."

I wanted to scream at him that I didn't care about Edea, that I wanted things to be normal again. I wanted our posse to be like it used to, without the awkwardness and competitiveness for each other's attention. I wanted Seifer to smile at me, but he only scowled.

"Next time, you will handle the mission personally," Seifer was snapping at us. "And there will be no room for failure." And then, with a sickening smile, he dropped the worst part of it all.

"We're going to Balamb."

* * *

Raijin and I stood on the deck as Balamb came into view. "Feels strange to be goin' back, ya know?" my friend sighed. There was no cheer to his voice today.

"LONELY," I told him.

Raijin nodded, "Me too." There was an eerie feeling that seemed to hang in the air. Edea and Seifer would be staying aboard the Garden, while Raijin and I would be doing the dirty work. We would be making enemies with our friends. We would betray the children we'd just recently returned to Balamb.

The difficult feelings passed when we met with Edea before entering the town. "You must not fail," she told us. I looked up at her with cold admiration. Edea was everything I could never be to Seifer… I found myself bowing and promising not to disappoint her this time.

We sealed off the entrance with a few soldiers, instructing them that no one would go in, and no one would go out. The train station was instructed, at penalty of death, not to allow any trains in or out. We demanded information about Ellone, but no one stepped forward. Raijin boasted about his reward, still no one stepped forward. We set up a base in the hotel, and began our search.

One woman reacted differently than the others. When we stormed into her house, she looked at me sadly. "Oh, Fujin," she sighed, when I demanded to know about Ellone. She shook her head in a mournfully. "You've grown so much. You're so strong now." I noticed her hand reaching up for my face, towards my eye patch, and slapped her hand away. The way she looked at me unnerved me. We left her house without further interrogation.

Raijin tried to make the most of our time in Balamb. As ranking officers in the Galbadian Army, we were able to order the G-Soldiers to do most of the work. Raijin and I still interrogated a number of citizens, but we also found time to do other things. Raijin often went to the docks to fish, while I often napped in one of the upstairs rooms. It was a way for us to deal with the nagging depression that we'd been forced to suppress in talking to Edea.

The first few days passed without event. On the third day Raijin came to me with fish.

"IDIOT," I told him, "POISONOUS."

He beamed at me regardless, "Nah, Fu, this is good stuff! I had some already!" I rolled my eye; Raijin had a stomach like a garbage dump. Nothing ever made him sick. "I'm gonna cook some more and feed it to our men! They'll be so pleased!"

"PATROL," I told him, a little irritated that he spent so much time goofing off when I was trying to prove myself to Seifer.

"Yeah, yeah, Fu, I know. Don't worry, ya know? I'm just gonna make some fish first!" I smiled to myself as I watched him bound out, the large fish still attached to the line that dangled from his hand. It smelled awful.

Once the door had closed behind him, I laid down on one of the beds. It was a three person room, and sharing it with Raijin only solidified the fact that Seifer had chosen not to come with us. Being forced to prove myself to him, again, hurt… but I would do it. Seifer was the third part of our posse. Without him, everything was haywire.

I hadn't realized that I'd drifted off until Raijin jolted me out of my nap by shaking me with his big bulky hands. "Fujin wake up ya know! It's them, they're here!"

I pushed him off, sitting up quickly. "SeeDs?" I knew that they would come eventually. I'd been dreading it since the moment we set foot in Balamb.

"Yeah, Squall and Dincht and Rinoa."

"RAGE!" It angered me, not just because Rinoa was aiding the SeeDs now, but because Seifer would not be pleased to know that Squall and the chicken-wuss had gotten past our guards and into the town. I snatched up shuriken. Raijin rightfully backed down the stairs. "MORON," I scolded my bulky friend. "PAY ATTENTION, NOT. FISH TOO MUCH." I was sure the Galbadian soldiers could hear me outside, but I didn't care. I kicked Raijin, harder than I had ever kicked him before, and he stumbled back.

"H-hey," Raijin's face was hurt, but I couldn't stop myself. My heart was pounding with fury. I kicked him again, and with all of the weight of my tiny body, put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him out of the hotel.

"GO," I shouted after him. "DESTROY."

"Yeow!" I heard him yell as he fell through the front doors of the hotel. I turned my back, trying to ignore his shouts of "Ouch! F-Fujin… C-control your temper, ya know? I was patrollin', just like ya told me, I even woke up that search dog, sleepin' on the job, ya know? You guys help me out here! We gotta calm Fujin down, ya know?"

I shook my head, stalking back towards the stairs, when I heard a familiar voice yell out Raijin's name. This was it… the SeeDs were right outside. But I was still angry with Raijin for letting them in. He should have been on patrol, making sure that no one could get in or out of the town…. I decided he could handle Squall's gang by himself.

It was a surprisingly short amount of time after that when Zell burst through the two doors of the hotel. "OHHHH YEAHHHH!" He yelled, "The commander's gonna get a whoopin' too!" I rolled my eye. Zell hadn't changed one bit.

He looked me up and down. Had he expected someone different? "So I guess you're the commander?" He puffed up his chest, proud of himself for breaking through the hotel. "Pack your bags and get the hell outta Balamb?"

I looked instead to Squall, "…RAIJIN, DEFEATED…?" I asked him, but it was Zell who answered.

"That's right, BABY! Now, where's Seifer and the sorceress? You're all goin' DOWN!" I couldn't help snorting with amusement. They might be about to turn on me, but Zell was overdoing it.

Squall shared my feelings. "Zell, calm down," I could tell he was the squad leader on this mission. I found myself half wondering if he felt any remorse at all when it came to fighting us. I did. He looked vaguely sympathetic when he turned to me, but I decided that my mind was playing tricks on me. "Fujin, looks like you're on your own. Are you still willing to fight?"

I put my hands on my hips and turned my face upward. Did he really think that I would back down, or surrender? Had Squall not remembered fighting alongside me at Garden? Did he think I was nothing without Raijin at my side? "RAGE!" was my answer. There were three against one me, but I knew I could handle them. I had to, for Seifer.

And then I heard his voice, "BWAHA HA HA HA! She's not alone!" I smiled. Did the SeeDs really think that Raijin wouldn't have had a number of potions with him? They were a lot stupider than I thought.

"W-Who's there?" Zell cried out, fisting his hands. He looked like he'd heard a ghost. I rolled my eye.

Soon Raijin was by my side again. "Major come-back, ya know! Actually, I feel a lot betta, ya know! I feel invincible, ya know!"

"How the…?" Zell was unbelieving. "I thought we defeated you!"

But Raijin and I only laughed, taking on a stance for battle. Angry as I had been moments earlier, I was glad to have Raijin by my side when Squall drew his gunblade. "Time to get serious, ya know?" Raijin called out.

I focused on Rinoa, because Raijin doesn't hit girls. He delivered constant blows to Zell, and we both took hits at Squall as much as we could. For a time it seemed the five of us were evenly matched, and determined to move the fight forward, I turned my attention away from my physical strength to focus on my GF.

And then it happened.

It felt like a vacuum cleaner had been in reverse and placed over my mouth. All of my innards sucked forward and out, and I felt my energy draining. Drawing simple magic from another fighter was one thing… but drawing a GF was just offensive. Squall had taken my Pandemona… the one part of my ability that I had been fused with since before I could remember.

With everything I had left, I threw myself at Squall, slashing and flailing… I would have bit him if I could've gotten close enough. But my Shuriken was nothing compared to his gunblade. One powerful backhanded maneuver sent me stumbling back and sitting on my bottom. I felt lightheaded, and now without the safety of Pandemona's junction, I felt helpless.

"I… WITHDRAW," I yelled up at Squall, who stood over me with his gunblade raised. Surprisingly, Squall backed off. "RAIJIN," I shouted to my friend. I could see that he was preparing a cure spell for me, "GO!" I motioned to the Squall and Zell. I knew that I would need a hi-potion to recover enough to do any damage, and neither of us had any.

It was painful to watch the three of them go against my friend, especially in his prior weakened state. Rinoa seemed to be holding back, but Zell and Squall were relentless. Soon he held up his hands. "Fujin, I lost too, ya know…"

I hung my head. Seifer would be furious.

Squall turned to me. "Are the two of you taking orders from the sorceress?"

"NEGATIVE," I snapped at the one who'd stolen from me. While the sorceress had inspired me to try harder for Seifer, I was not in it for her.

"The sorceress has nothin' to do with us, ya know? We're actin' on our own!" Raijin backed me up, crossing his bulky arms over his bulky chest. A fresh gash on his arm was oozing with blood.

"Own plan..?" Squall tried to get some more information from my friend.

"We're on Seifer's side, y aknow!" was all he would say.

"…That's up to you, but…" Squall shook his head. "Enough is enough. This isn't an internal Garden conflict."

Raijin looked pained, "We can't back out, ya know…" I was sure that the thought had crossed both of our minds on several occasions.

"NEGATIVE," I supported. We were in it with Seifer… but we barely knew who Seifer was anymore.

"Seifer has a lot of followers, but we're his only friends… We're a posse, ya know?" Squall nodded, Zell looked bored. Rinoa looked pained, and couldn't meet my stare. "The Galbadian Soldiers are only listening to Seifer 'cause they fear the sorceress. Without us, Seifer wouldn't have a posse, ya know?"

"If you guys stand behind him that much…" Zell piped up, "Tell frickin' Seifer to stop this nonsense!"

"AFFIRMATIVE!" I said agitatedly. I wanted more than anything to have the old Seifer back… but I was afraid he wouldn't listen.

"We ain't no sell-outs!" Raijin took a step towards Zell. "We're behind Seifer all the way, ya know?"

"Okay… Understood," Squall nodded again. It hardly seemed that he was phased by our encounter at all. "So you want nothing to do with Garden now?" We nodded, though I don't think it was an honest answer from either of us. Garden had been our home for as long as we could remember.

"…From now on, we're not gonna hold back." I wanted to believe that they hadn't been holding back in the battle we'd just had, but if there was a chance Squall had gone easy on us, I was indeed afraid. Raijin and I would have to prepare for another battle in the future. It would be inevitable. I turned to leave.

"You're just gonna let them go? Squall?" Rinoa's voice was confused.

I could've slapped her, but I resisted. I didn't want to cross Squall right then. I turned to see that he looked almost hesitant.

"Don't wanna… talk anymore, ya know…" Raijin had turned away, too. "Kinda painful… ya know..?"

I rolled my eye, "WIMP!" I was trying to save face, so I kicked him. He hopped around for a moment, then straightened and looked to me. "RUN!" I ordered. It might have seemed like we were running away… but I hoped it would look like I was chasing him.

As the door began to close behind us, I heard Rinoa say to Squall, "I feel sad."

I was sad, too.

End Chapter Fifteen

**Note from the author:** Thank you for the reviews I got on the last chapter. After so long of not continuing, I was certain that no one would have any interest anymore. I told myself that even knowing one person read it was all that mattered to me. I received for reviews, and they meant the world to me. Thank you so much for reading this story. I hope I have not disappointed you with this chapter.


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